#but throughout the entire filming process I just felt like I was going insane

[melonpond]

He (sock puppet Mr. Hyde) haunts my every thought

[themadamespod]

The Great White Gripe

A lot has been said about the “social commentary” within The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. 

“Since when is Marvel a bunch of SJWs? I don’t need this shit.”

“All this race stuff feels SUPER forced.”

“Oh here we go Marvel tryin to be all woke to get the libs on board.”

If you personally know anyone who spews this brand of ignorance, we’re sorry. 

Let’s make one thing perfectly clear: there is no social commentary on TFATWS. Showrunner Malcolm Spellman and director Kari Skogland simply show the reality of life in America. It’s not their fault that so many (white) people (men) don’t like looking in the mirror.

And some people claim they have no problem with film and television addressing politics and social change.

“Just keep it out of my comic book movies. It doesn’t belong there.”

They could not be anymore wrong, even if Chandler Bing himself was lecturing them. 

If you asked 100 people to name the top ten movies of all time, you’d get 100 different lists. But one thing we can all agree on is that film has power. It has the power to move us, to divide us, to unite us. Entertainment can lead to the kind of discourse that prompts action and positive change.

And that’s why The Falcon and the Winter Soldier and the conversations it’s sparking are so important.

One World, One Reality

“Marvel has always been and always will be a reflection of the world right outside our window.” - Stan Lee

There are two takeaways from that statement:

One: Stan Lee didn’t say that in the 1960s, 1970s, or even the 1980s. He said it in 2017.

Two: Our window, not your window, is a subtle but important distinction, particularly as it relates to TFATWS. The Flag Smashers, led by Karli Morgenthau, live by a simple creed: “One world, One people.” The core message of the show is that white Americans and Black Americans experience the world very differently, but there’s still only one world, one reality. 

It’s just a matter of people opening their eyes and seeing it.

TFATWS is an extension of Marvel’s early support of the Civil Rights Movement. In 1963, Stan Lee created the X-Men as an allegory for the ongoing struggles of the African-American community. Though he didn’t explicitly base Professor X and Magneto on Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X, there are ideological similarities.

Five years later, following the assassinations of Dr. King and Robert Kennedy, Stan wrote the following:

“Bigotry and racism are among the deadliest social ills plaguing the world today. It’s totally irrational, patently insane to condemn an entire race—to despise an entire nation—to vilify an entire religion. Sooner or later, we must learn to judge each other on our own merits. Sooner or later, if a man is ever to be worthy of his destiny, we must fill our hearts with tolerance.”

In 2021, Stan’s words still resonate. Racism in the United States is as virulent and damaging as it’s ever been. Black Americans are facing deadly policing, Jim Crow 2.0 voting laws, mass incarceration, and countless other roadblocks to mobility that most white people have never encountered.

Through the journeys of Sam and Sarah Wilson, Lemar Hoskins, and the heartbreaking Isaiah Bradley, TFATWS shows the unvarnished truth of what Ira Glass might call Black American Life. And through John Walker, the writers nail home the message that’s really making certain people squirm:

White men are the greatest threat not just to Black Americans, but all Americans, because TFATWS is as much an indictment of toxic masculinity as it is of bigotry. 

As aggressive racism has spread like wildfire since 2016, so has hostile sexism towards women of all colors. John Walker is the embodiment of the hyper aggression that the Proud Boys applaud. The clearest example of this comes when Walker dares to clap the shoulder of Ayo, one of Wakanda’s Dora Milaje.

Her swift and, ahem, pointed response had women the world over screaming like they’d just won the lottery. 

One could also argue that Walker’s dogged pursuit of Karli and displaced peoples supporting the Flag Smasher cause mirrors the Trump administration’s war on immigrants. 

There are plenty of parallels to draw. The point is, none of them are forced or manufactured or exaggerated. And whether we’re talking about a fictional road in Latvia or a real street in Minnesota, white Americans need to stop avoiding conversations that make them uncomfortable.

The Politics of Comics 

In 1938, Americans were still reeling from the Great Depression. Enter Superman, the everyman hero, who made his comic debut while the nation was facing widespread unemployment, rampant poverty, and blatant corruption at every level of government.

Superman could have faced off against any number of supernatural villains. But Siegel and Shuster went a different route, setting a precedent for comic books that has prevailed to this day:

They got political. 

Throughout Superman’s earliest adventures, he fought against evil politicians, apathetic bureaucrats, aggressive police officers, greedy businessmen, and even a Washington lobbyist. 

Then in 1941, Joe Simon & Jack Kirby introduced Captain America just in time to fight the nazis and free the world from fascism. A couple decades later, Kirby and Stan Lee would tell the tale of the aforementioned Erik Lehnsherr, who survived the horrors of Auschwitz. These comics endured because their passion and nuance transcended entertainment. So what was the secret sauce?

Like Siegel and Shuster, Simon, Kirby, and Stan Lee were Jewish. Representation matters, folks. 

Later on, the X-Men weren’t the only conduit through which Marvel supported Civil Rights. In 1966, on the heels of the “March Against Fear” from Memphis, TN to Jackson, MS, Stan Lee & Jack Kirby unveiled Black Panther. When African-Americans were fighting harder than ever, Black children could suddenly read a comic book about T’Challa, the noble warrior king of a highly advanced African nation. 

Marvel has never been shy about critiquing foreign policy either. Tony Stark and Iron Man debuted in 1968 as the conflict in Vietnam was escalating. And let’s not forget, Tony made his MCU debut in a film that is a clear indictment of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

We could do this all day, but you get the idea. 

Comic books have always reflected the politics of our times, and so has the MCU. Fanboys can’t start crying now just because they’re on the wrong side of history. And when they do, we defer to the great Jon Bernthal when asked about alt-righters appropriating the Punisher symbol:

“Fuck them.”

Life Imitates Art

In 1986, American men felt the need for speed. After Top Gun was released, applications to U.S. aviation forces increased by a staggering 500%. 

Two years later, Errol Morris exposed police corruption in his film The Thin Blue Line. The documentary prompted a new investigation that eventually exonerated death row inmate Randall Adams for the murder of a police officer.

That same year, the Polish government ceased all executions after leaders were swayed to do so by A Short Film about Killing.

Following the release of Michael Moore’s Bowling for Columbine in 1999, Kmart bowed to public pressure and stopped selling handgun ammunition. 

And 5 years ago, Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif changed the law on honor killings in response to the critically-acclaimed film A Girl in the River. 

Like we said earlier, film has the power to spur social change. Even if the effects aren’t always so direct and immediate, television and movies have always contributed to the process in America. 

Seeing the Ricardos sharing a bed allowed some Americans to start relaxing their prudish ways. 

The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Maude empowered women as they fought for reproductive rights.

The Jeffersons and Good Times facilitated calmer discussions about race relations.

And The Ellen Show led to greater representation of queer people on screen and greater acceptance of queer people in society. Though Ellen herself has become a problematic figure in the last year, that legacy still remains.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is hardly the first show of its kind. And given the impact film has on society, we believe Hollywood has a moral obligation to produce content that exposes society’s ills and fosters productive debate. 

Stan Lee would be very proud of the team behind TFATWS for bringing the stark reality of American life into people’s living rooms. The next time you see someone bitching about it, remind them what Stan himself said just a few years ago: 

“Those stories have room for everyone, regardless of their race, gender, religion, or color of their skin. The only things we don't have room for are hatred, intolerance, and bigotry.”

[hanniiesuckle17]

SF9 Reaction: The Morning After

A/n: not requested, but im a new sf9 stan and I am appalled at the lack of content variety for them so requests for sf9 are open my people! (this is not thoroughly edited sryy)

Tag List: @distrikt9​ @mini-meanhoe​ @poeticallyspaghetti​ @hanstagrams​ @desertofdessert​ @yangomangos​ @hoes4hoseok​

Youngbin:

The sun peeked through the sheer curtains of your bedroom. Squinting your eyes, you stretched your arms and rolled over only to find a body next to you. A head of messy shaggy black hair lay tousled on the pillow beside you. Your eyes trained down the tan skin of the body, recognizing the familiar tattoo on his left side.

A smile slipped onto your face remembering the events of last night, Youngbin had come over for dinner and ended up staying the night...and a little more. Quietly you got out of bed and slipped into the bathroom to shower. After you finished you slipped on some shorts and a random shirt from your closet. Your legs were a little sore as you walked back up the bed.

Not wanting to wake your boyfriend just yet, you climbed back under the covers and wrapped your arms around his torso. His chest rose and fell in steady breaths. After a few moments, you felt him shift onto his back, eyes blinking open. 

He smiled seeing you already awake. “Morning,” His voice sent shivers down your spine. His arms wrapped around you pulling your body on top of his. “How long have you been awake?” 

“Not long,” you hummed leaning down and kissing his lips. 

He sighed, hand running up and down your back. “Are you free today?” Youngbin asked rolling over so he was hovering over you. You smiled as he pressed tender kisses down your neck. 

“Of course, I’m free. It’s a Saturday.”

He looked up wide eyed. “It’s a Saturday?”

“Yes, what day did you think it was?” Youngbin looked off to the side in thought. He really was the most precious man on this planet. You couldn’t help but kiss his cheek. 

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve been so busy lately.” He laughed and laid next to you. His hand reached for yours, playing with your fingers. For a moment you simply stared at each other, lovestruck grins on both your faces. 

“You want to go get brunch?” You asked with a smile.

“That sounds really good.” 

Inseong:

Something soft brushed against your neck. Your eyes were still too heavy to open, but your sleepy mind recognized the touch. Sleepily you ran your fingers through your boyfriend’s soft hair as you tried to open your eyes. A soft glow was coming through the bedroom window. 

Inseong hovered above you a sweet smile on his face. “Hi,” you whispered, making his smile grow larger. Pulling him down you pressed your lips against his, in a gentle kiss. “What time is it?” You whispered against his lips.

“About eight.”

You sighed and rolled into his side, snuggling into his arm. “I have work in an hour.” You whined. He laughed as you pulled the covers over your head. His long fingers pried the duvet away from your face. “Do I have to go to work?” You asked cutely, making his heart jump.

“Yes. Being an adult is a mandatory thing.” 

You sighed, hugging onto him even tighter. “What if I just put you in my purse and took you with me?” Inseong chuckled, the laugh vibrating throughout his chest. It was a happy sound. 

“I don’t think my six-foot tall ass could fit in your purse.”

“You don’t know that. I’m very persistent.” 

He laughed kissing the top of your head. The two of you spent a few more minutes cuddled up in bed, legs tangled together. “Okay, now you do have to get up.” A groan fell past your lips. “Hey, I’ll come back tonight after practice?” Your ears perked up at the mention of Inseong coming back.

You kissed his lips once more, before begrudgingly removing yourself from your boyfriend’s arms and the bed. He watched you get dressed a smile on his face. Before you left you leaned over Inseong still lying in bed, kissing his lips then his cheek. “Will you lock up before you leave?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Key is under the mat if you get here before me tonight.” You said with a wink before you left your boyfriend in your bedroom as you headed off to work.

Jaeyoon:

The sound of rain pelting against your window slowly brought you back to consciousness. Long fingers dragged softly up and down your back. Turning over, you saw your boyfriend, sitting up against your headboard, scrolling through his phone. Your tired eyes raked over him.

His dark hair was messy and sticky up in all directions. The light from his phone cast a blue glow over his face, highlighting all the sloping lines that made up your Jaeyoon. He smiled feeling you move under his hand. 

“Morning gorgeous,” 

His voice was deep and raspy sending shivers down your spine. The sheets rustled as you climbed on top of him, resting your head on his chest. Jaeyoon leaned down pressing a slow breathtaking kiss onto your lips. “Do you have schedules today?” You whispered against his lips. He sighed, feeling your hands run through his hair. 

“No, I’m yours for the day.” 

“Just for the day?” You said kissing down his jaw. Jaeyoon smiled, his arms wrapping tightly around you.

“For as long as you’ll have me,” 

Jaeyoon rolled over, so he was laying on top of you, head snuggled in the crook of your neck. You listened to the rain, rubbing soothing patterns on the tan skin of your boyfriend’s back. “I wish I could wake up like this every morning,” He smiled at your words, lips trailing down your shoulder. 

“Let’s get an apartment together then.” 

You sat up, looking at your boyfriend. “Jae, you aren’t serious...are you?” Jaeyoon got off of you, leaning his head on his hand. He looked up at you, eyes crinkling in a smile. 

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life.” Jaeyoon pulled you back down into his bare chest. “I would be crazy to pass up rainy mornings in bed with you.” You smiled feeling him kiss the top of your head. “That, and sex with you is incredible.” He said, you smacking his shoulder in response. 

Dawon:

The blaring of an alarm woke you up. Groaning you reached over and shut it off. “Inseong...I don’t want to get up.” A voice whined next to you. Dawon rolled over, onto his left side, as if trying to get away from his bandmate. You grabbed his shirt from the floor and slipped it on before crawling over your boyfriend. Your hands traced over the familiar tattoos on his chest and stomach.

He sighed, feeling your lips on his. “I’m not Inseong, baby.” He smiled, eyes finally opening. “Hi,” You whispered kissing him again. 

“You are a sight for sore eyes.” He said drowsily. 

“Better than Inseong?”

“Oh, yeah. Miles better. Light years better.”

You laughed out loud, making Dawon smile. He loved your laugh. “Are you hungry?” You asked sitting up, legs on either side of his sheet covered body. He nodded yawning. “Pancakes?” His eyes popped open, and he sat up, arms wrapping around you. 

“Y/n, have I ever told you how amazing you are?” 

Laughing, you kissed his cheek and walked out of the bedroom. Your hands busied themselves with prepping all the ingredients on your kitchen counter. Dawon shuffled around your bedroom probably trying to find his clothes. “You can shower if you want!” You called out into the apartment. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Dawon sleepily shuffle into your bathroom wearing only his boxers. 

Ignoring the urge to join him, you began making the pancakes. Just as you finished the door opened and Dawon walked out, towel drying his hair. “This smells amazing,” Dawon said, wrapping his arms around you from behind. 

“Let’s hope it tastes that way.” You said handing him a plate. 

“Won’t taste as good as you,” Dawon said with a smirk, a blush flooding your cheeks. Instead of responding you took one of the strawberries from off his plate and bit into the juicy fruit. 

Zuho:

You were awakened by the sound of thumping in your room. Sitting up you looked to find Zuho doing his best to silently get dressed; failing miserably. “Where are you going?” You asked, pulling the sheets over your chest as you sat up. Your best friend turned at the sound of your voice. 

“Uhhh.....Nowhere.” 

“If you were going nowhere you would still be in bed with me.” 

You could practically see the gears turning in his brain. His sleepy mind was doing it’s best to process the meaning behind your words. It was hard to hide how cute you thought he was. “So.....Wait- I don’t understand...”

“Get back in bed, doofus.” 

Zuho sighed and practically fell back onto your bed, falling asleep almost immediately. You laughed and pulled him back under the covers. With his eyes closed, Zuho pulled you into his chest, his leg throwing itself over yours. “So, last night?” He asked, rubbing your bare back. “Does this mean I can finally take you out on an actual date?” 

“Well- yeah. I’ve been waiting for you to ask me for like eight months.”

Zuho laughed. He rested his head on top of yours. “I just didn’t want to ruin our friendship. It would suck if I lost you over something like this. Like...really suck.” He sighed fully content with you in his arms. His heartbeat was slowly lulling you back to sleep. 

“It would take more than that to get rid of me.” You hummed. You were completely happy laying with Zuho. It was still insane to you that it took a random hookup for the two of you to finally confess. 

“Like what?” Zuho questioned.

Closing your eyes, you cuddled closer to him, arms wrapping around his stomach. “I don’t even want to think about leaving you.” You smiled feeling his heart beat a little faster. Soon the two of you fell back asleep, tangled up in each others arms.

Rowoon:

The bed was cold. The air conditioner must have kicked in at some point in the night. Cool air blew across your bare shoulders. Seeking warmth, you reached over for your boyfriend only to find him missing. You sat up, looking around the room. You immediately recognized the familiar smell in the room. You were at Rowoon’s dorm. 

The other boys were on vacation, but Rowoon stayed behind for some filming. You smiled realizing the two of you were completely alone. You flinched as your feet touched the cool wood of the floor. The sound of the shower running floated into the empty hallway. 

You smiled and pushed open the door, seeing Rowoon’s tall frame behind the curtain. Shedding any remaining clothing, you pulled the curtain back enough for you to step inside. 

Rowoon turned at the sound and smiled seeing you behind him. Quickly he rinsed the soap out of his hair, before turning to you, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Good morning,” You said reaching up and pulling him down for a kiss. 

“Is this how you’re going to greet me every morning?” He teased, looking you up and down. 

The water pelted down from the showerhead, wetting your shoulders. “It does save water,” You said with a smirk. He chuckled, the laugh rumbling in his chest. 

“Of course. Thank you for being so conscious of the Earth’s resources.” 

You laughed as he pushed you further under the water, soaking your entire body. He pushed your wet hair away from your face with a smile. Reaching back he grabbed a bottle and handed it to you. “Now, I’ll smell like you,” Rowoon’s heart skipped a beat at your bright smile.

“Is that a good thing?” 

“I love how you smell.” You said kissing him again. He sighed feeling your teeth pull at his bottom lip. His hands gripped your waist pulling you closer to him a smile shared between the two of you before joining your lips again.

Taeyang:

You were awakened by music playing in your apartment. You sat up very confused. Taeyang was no longer beside you. You could have sworn you fell asleep right next to him. With tired eyes and a sluggish body you dragged yourself out of bed and grabbed the nearest shirt on the floor. 

Rubbing your eyes you walked out into your living room to find your boyfriend dancing shirtless with a vacuum. His hair bounced as he moved with the happy music playing from your TV. His smile brightened when he turned and saw you leaning against the wall watching him.

“What did I do to deserve you?” He laughed and turned off the vacuum. “The one time you clean and it’s in my apartment. Tae, I may have to marry you.” Taeyang rushed over, pulling you into a big bear hug. 

“Do you see me complaining?” 

He smiled, feeling you bury your face in his neck. “Did you sleep well?” He nodded, pulling back to look at your face. 

“Do you always look like this in the morning?” Taeyang asked brushing his knuckles over your cheek. 

“Like what?”

“Like a gift from heaven.” You squealed, hands covering your face. He laughed, dragging you further into the living room. “Dance with me, baby.” Taeyang took your hand and spun you around. After a few minutes of dancing the both of you collapsed onto the couch out of breath. 

“Do you want to order in?” You asked, playing with Taeyang’s slender fingers. He nodded and reached over you to grab his phone. With the food ordered, you melted into the couch watching a new episode of the show Tae was currently binging. The doorbell rang, but neither of you moved to get off the couch. 

After a shared look, Taeyang yelled through the door, “JUST LEAVE IT THERE!” Taeyang kissed your cheek before rolling off the couch and grabbing the food. He jumped back next to you with a smile, finally able to enjoy the rest of your morning. 

Hwiyoung:

Arms were wrapped tightly around your waist. Your hands pressed against a firm chest as you slowly started to wake up. A dull gray light floated through your bedroom window. Hwiyoung lay under you, still asleep. You smiled remembering the night before. 

A sigh left your lips, feeling completely content. Sleepily, you reached up and twirled a strand of Hwiyoung’s hair between your fingers. He hummed still half asleep. “Hi, handsome.” You whispered, hand still playing with his hair. 

Hwiyoung’s hands left your waist to cover his face, but you could see his ears turn a light shade of red. Gently you removed his hands being greeted with his bright smile. Before Hwiyoung could say anything his phone began playing an upbeat song. He sighed and reached over, turning it off. 

“I have schedules today,” He whined. You leaned up, kissing him sweetly. His head fell back onto your pillow, thumb rubbing over the bare skin on your hip. “What if I just didn’t show up?” He asked making you laugh.

His smile fell when you shook your head and you started to move away from him. “I have classes today too.” His head turned, looking at you beside him. “Believe me, I would keep you here if I could.” Hwiyoung smiled, before sitting up, taking some of the sheets with him. 

You wrapped your arms around his chest, placing loving kisses on his shoulder. “You keep doing that I’ll never leave your bed.” Your boyfriend whispered. You could hear the grin in his voice. Eventually, he did get up and gathered his clothes, getting dressed in front of you. 

You watched Hwiyoung with sleepy eyes as he gathered his things. His long hair was still a mess and his shirt was wrinkled, but he looked almost the same as when he came over the night before. Giving you his signature gummy smile, he leaned over you, kissing you lovingly. “I’ll see you tonight?” He asked, hopeful eyes looking into yours. 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Hwiyoung smiled and left your apartment, leaving you to get ready for the rest of your day, a smile plastered on your face.

Chani:

Something cold brushed against your leg. Your eyes fluttered open, sleep still trying to pull them close. You sat up a pair of arms falling off of your waist. Pain shot through your temples as you reached for your phone. However, it wasn’t your phone. It was Chani’s. Your eyes widened, seeing your best friend asleep beside you. You were at the dorm. No matter how hard you tried you struggled to remember much from the night before. Some drinking was involved. Chani pulled you back into his room for some reason. 

You cringed, memories of rough kisses and heated moments returning to you all at once. This was not how you wanted to tell Chani you liked him. Far from it. His phone told you that it was almost four in the morning. Slowly you got up from the bed, wincing at the pain between your legs. “Good grief, Chani.” You mumbled under your breath as you searched for your clothes quietly. 

After slipping your underwear back on, you grabbed the first shirt you could find on the floor, tossing it over your body. “That’s mine, Y/n.” Turning you saw Chani sitting up in bed. A piece of his dark hair sticking straight up. His deep voice raw from sleep. He looked more handsome than anyone should in the morning. “Where are you going?” He asked, rubbing his eyes. 

You had no idea how to react. He sounded like he wanted you to stay. Maybe he was still asleep? “I was just going to go-”

“Don’t go,” He said giving you a sleepy smile. His eyes looked towards the nightstand before he motioned you back onto the bed. Hesitantly, you sat next to him trying to keep your eyes from raking over his chiseled torso. “I have a gift for you.” Chani reached over, pulling open the drawer. In his hands was a little blue box. His hand brushed yours as he handed it to you. You stared questioningly at the box before looking back to him. In the box was a little metal key. “It’s a key to the dorms.”

You chuckled, setting the key back in the box. He looked up at you with an innocent smile. “What are you making me a more accessible late night booty call?”

Chani laughed pulling you down into a sweet kiss. “Late night,” His hands held tightly onto your hips. “Early morning,” He pulled away and smiled, watching your teeth drag over your bottom lip. “My girlfriend should be able to come over whenever she wants.”

“I’m your girlfriend now?” 

“Duh.”

Requests are open my lovelies! Just send an ask!

Masterlist

[hopevalley]

@leadingmehome said:  I dont think it makes sense to say writing is bad because you (anyone) disagrees with it. The writing was actually very consistent through the last 3 seasons. There were choppy bits this season because they tried to cover too much. Elizabeth's choice imakes complete narrative sense. There is foreshadowing throughout the entire season. I think if people went back and watched from a lucas/elizabeth lens they'd see those narrative points Ps. Its unfortunate that you run "the" when calls the heart blog (to my knowledge) and you're so one sided

“The” WCtH blog is actually @whencallstheheart but you’ll find quite a few people post in the tag...not just me...and I’m hardly “one-sided” lol. I have no idea where you got that. I’m as biased as the next person, though, and that would include you.

Also, I don’t know what to tell you about your opinion regarding my criticism aimed at the writing. I went to school to do this sort of thing and I am damn good at it. I have never in my life claimed that something was “bad writing” for no other reason than because I disagreed with a narrative direction.

--

I’m not opposed to Elizabeth’s choice in the slightest on its own, and I do agree on two of your points: they definitely tried to cover too much (should have cut out some filler plots and given more time to other things), and yep, there are enough “hints” dropped that make her choice make sense. 100%.

That said, the stance I take is that they sold us a “Triangle” this season when Nathan was never even on the table as a choice. There was never a date, there was never a Soft Moment between them, and as it turned out...she was never even in love with him for even a second. 

The show tells us that Nathan was “a reason” but they really could have done better by just...showing that. Let me explain a bit more:

I haven’t seen this posted anywhere so I’ll go ahead and say that I feel like Nathan (his career more than the man) was an emotional obstacle in Elizabeth’s way to find true love again. She needed to finish processing Jack’s death (so, 1) she needed to accept that the pull she felt toward Nathan was friendship, and 2) she had to understand that the emotional upheaval she felt around him sometimes was a traumatic fear response of losing someone she cares about as well as a splash of chasing Jack’s ghost). 

This is OBJECTIVELY a great story to tell, but the showrunners made a HUGE mistake to sell it as a triangle from the get-go. It was never a triangle, and the story was never about Elizabeth being (equally) torn between two good men. It was a story of a woman processing the tragic (and frankly traumatizing) loss of her husband and finding the courage to move on and find love again with someone else. Why sell it as a triangle? Why promo it that way? 

Because it was promo’d as a triangle, because they coooonstantly sold it as a triangle, we had a divided fandom. We still do! And the division isn’t because Elizabeth chose Lucas. The division is because there wasn’t a triangle in the first place. “I love you but I’m not in love with you” killed the triangle in an instant. It was an easy way to clean the story up at the 11th hour, but it also tells us that from the very beginning of this season Lucas was her choice. 

It should not have been hyped up and sold to the fans as a triangle that would be resolved in the final episode of the season (when she picked very early into the season and that was her final choice). Again, the story concept is actually wonderful (it tells a lovely story) but the execution was poor. Again, two reasons:

1) they wouldn’t stop promoting the love triangle, and 

2) they filmed to try and force it to be a love triangle. 

Part of me wants to say if they just would have been honest about her choice from the get-go and let the stuff with Nathan work itself out without being hyped to high heaven as a triangle, the fans would have been more understanding, but honestly... I’ve seen some weird stuff out there. Did y’all see the insane person on Reddit calling Elizabeth a gold digger? (LOL) I would have at least respected them for doing it. But I respect good writing choices even when I hate them (like the whole Henry and Abigail thing right now).

TL;DR: The plot is great and tells a compelling and engaging story, but what we were sold was not what we got, and because of that the execution of the story they ended up telling suffered. 

[chaotically-cas]

I slightly rewrote my tombstone essay. I’m crazy.

I did not obsess over and enjoy a western cowboy movie that fucking much???? But I did??? I don’t even know where to start. I’m not sure if the acting from Wyatt Earp’s actor was good or bad. I genuinely can’t tell. It was kinda off putting & uncomfortable at times. But I thought that Val Kilmer fucking carried that movie because he so beyond talented oh my god. He is so good in these kinds of roles (Jim Morrison) I swear I literally got goosebumps so so many times. I think he is an incredibly underrated actor & that movie is an exact example of why. Jesus fuck he was incredible it felt so real. It was one of the best performances I’ve seen on that type of role from anyone I can’t. The acting overall was for the most part down right magnificent.

The absolute heart wrenching showing of tuberculosis too omg. And in lines as small as ‘forgive me if I don’t shake hands’ to his beautifully the makeup department & Val did with showing how physical the disease was. I’m not sure what else to complement besides the fact that ‘the dying man’ is such a common character but I don’t think you can really do much better at all in this case. Top marks.

& the way it was filmed & the shots were so beautiful. It was so timely & cinematic oh my god I can’t describe it. They used close up shots & far away shots both so beautifully & in such a meaningful way. Especially the scenes where everything was so briefly shown just through eye contact.

Jesus even Johnny Ringo’s character was absolutely perfect. I don’t remember the actors name off the top of my head but he is absolutely brilliant as well as the rest of the cast. Even Russell, in some parts, who practically directed the entire thing. Even Ike was a fantastic character I’m sorry but I can’t lie.

I could talk about the scene where Johnny Ringo & Doc Holliday first met forever I think. Not only did they put probably two of the best actors in the movie the same room together. But it’s probably one of the most well known scenes too. Just the belligerence & the absolute wit between the both of them, especially Holliday, is mesmerizing. I love the way he turns to his girlfriend & talks to himself over whether he should hate him or not. & he ends up deciding to hate him because he reminds him of himself. Which is again brought up so fucking incredibly later on in the movie. I think it’s amazing they didn’t let that aspect of their characters fall though. I think that scene is just magnificent. The way Doc is so sly & coy with a simple shot glass. Just the way their own shots are mocking themselves as well as the characters in a way is just. God. It’s unmatched. & the way they bring back the ‘he’s drunk’ later in the movie too as such a juxtaposition is just. Shit man. It’s beyond brilliant.

The scene where they all were at a draw & then Doc just winks. & you can see the other actors face go from fear to anger. & then wyatt realizes. Good it’s just a greatly filmed & directed scene everything about it is perfect from the reactions to the shots.

It’s even possibly a love story between Earp & Holliday. I said it. From the very very beginning when they first see each other again I could tell that Holliday was pining, in one way or another. & Wyatt was too except he didn’t know it. It was in the ways he cared for his well being & if he needed anything. They both just supported each other & were such good friends throughout it all even in the small things. But the big gestures is where it gets me.

The first being the multiple times Holliday stood up & actually took a deadly fight for Earp. All whole literally dying himself. He was literally willing to do fucking anything for him. & the second being the scene where he is saying goodbye oh my god. & Earp gives him the fucking book ‘my friend Doc Holliday’ speaks volumes on its own. That’s when I started crying. Cause it was Doc saying that if Wyatt really loved him he would have to let him go & be happy. & then he died clutching the little book his best friend gave him. I cried. & of course Wyatt had to fulfill his best friends last wish too but I don’t think I’ll get into that.

There was even a deleted scene between Doc & his girl where she is asking him why he is leaving again. & she is like ‘it’s Wyatt, isn’t it? It’s always Wyatt’ or something to that effect. & dear god I wish that scene was included because it only further shows how close they were. Both did & his girl also went to the lengths of pushing at the fact that he could & wouldn’t mind dying from him. I just think that’s interesting. He literally would do anything for his friend & his girl knows it (as she called herself.)

But what strikes me most is both times Wyatt was walking away from Doc, thinking he would never see him again, he gives him something. Like pretty important too. Idk it really got me in my feels & I’m kind of glad it was so subtextual as well as implied through the clearly more than friendly gestures. I don’t think they could have portrayed the fact that they were & the fact that they stayed by each other. The. Whole. Time. Through literally everything. I can’t describe it. They deserved better but at the same time it was so perfectly heartbreaking.

The first being the multiple times Holliday stood up & actually took a deadly fight for Earp. All whole literally dying himself. He was literally willing to do fucking anything for him. & the second being the scene where he is saying goodbye oh my god. & Earp gives him the fucking book ‘my friend Doc Holliday’ speaks volumes on its own. That’s when I started crying. Cause it was Doc saying that if Wyatt really loved him he would have to let him go & be happy. & then he died clutching the little book his best friend gave him. I cried. & of course Wyatt had to fulfill his best friends last wish too but I don’t think I’ll get into that.

There was even a deleted scene between Doc & his girl where she is asking him why he is leaving again. & she is like ‘it’s Wyatt, isn’t it? It’s always Wyatt’ or something to that effect. & dear god I wish that scene was included because it only further shows how close they were. Both did & his girl also went to the lengths of pushing at the fact that he could & wouldn’t mind dying from him. I just think that’s interesting. He literally would do anything for his friend & his girl knows it (as she called herself.)

But what strikes me most is both times Wyatt was walking away from Doc, thinking he would never see him again, he gives him something. Like pretty important too. Idk it really got me in my feels & I’m kind of glad it was so subtextual as well as implied through the clearly more than friendly gestures. I don’t think they could have portrayed the fact that they were & the fact that they stayed by each other. The. Whole. Time. Through literally everything. I can’t describe it. They deserved better but at the same time it was so perfectly heartbreaking.

The way he looked down at his feet at the end & laughs right before he died breaks my fucking heart. Because he thought he would be dying down the road or honestly anywhere else. With his boots on. With his friends. I can’t it just kills me. It’s such a small & missable detail but holy shit if you notice it it hurts like a bitch.

I can’t describe it. It just adds onto his self hatred so much because several time he went dangerously close to seeing himself as Johnny. Like the Latin scene & the scene in the bed where they discuss how Johnny ended up the way he was, and Doc was able to almost sympathize with him. Because in a way he is him. Like “The last charge of wyatt Earp and his inmortales” It’s so sad because he knows he is literally in the process of freaking dying that’s why he says it like the snarky sarcastic bastard he is.

Doc calling Wyatt self deluding but still the only man that ever gave him hope hits so hard. Again. Because it just shows how fucking lonely he was and how reliant he was on his best friend even in his death bed.

“There’s no normal life. Wyatt. Theres just life. Now get on with it.” “Don’t know how.” “Sure you do. Say goodbye to me.” “Live Wyatt. Live for me. Wyatt if you were ever my friend. If you ever had the slightest feelin for me. Leave now. Please.” God then the single fucking tear that slides down his face as he watches Wyatt walk away for the last time. It hurt so much.

Umm anyways. I’m obsessed with this movie now & I think I’m going a tad insane.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating John Bender

(Not my gifs)(Requested by anonymous)

(Some of these are sort of sad and mention abuse so warning to anyone who is uncomfortable with that subject matter)

- You met Bender in detention. When Vernon left all of you alone, he began to badger you about how you got there. Finally, you’d had enough and just told him the boring, slightly embarrassing truth: you were just late to class too many times.

- You shyly glanced over at him after you said it, only to find a small smirk on his face.

“Oh that’s adorable,” he said and you could feel your face turn hot. “No, that’s really cute. I mean it’s just so-”

“Alright Bender.” Andy interrupted. Bender glared and turned on the wrestler, something you were quite thankful for in the moment.

- Throughout the entire detention, he tried to get you to pay attention to him. He moved his seat next to yours, played with your hair, toyed around with how close you would let him get to you.

- For whatever reason you actually began liking him. Under all that dickhead behavior and dirty jokes he was actually entertaining …or maybe just hot.

- Later in the day, the two of you went through each other’s stuff. He told you about his girlfriends and you sort of lost your interest in him. And yet, he seemed to rope you back in every time he flipped his stupidly gorgeous hair. It was a ...confusing detention.

- After a few hours of flirtation, you finally agreed to one date. He didn’t really have a plan when the two of you met up but once you told him you’d never been to one, he took you to a demolition derby.

- You were surprised by how much fun you had with him. You were also surprised by how okay you were with; lightly, making out with him, pushed against a chain link fence after the show was over.

- As much as you enjoyed the time you spent with him, you couldn’t get it out of your head that he had other girlfriends. The idea of him going out after the two of you parted ways and fucking some other chick after kissing you, well, it made you sick. And so, you began to actively ignore and avoid him.

- He wasn’t a fan of your silent treatment. He’d tasted you, gotten so close to winning you over, and you’d pulled the rug out from under him for seemingly no reason at all. It riles him up, makes him think you’re completely insane and yet, he can’t just let you go and be the crazy bitch that you apparently are. He has to have you.

- Meanwhile, you trying to ignore how you feel about him just seems to make it worse. So now, the two of you can’t stop thinking about the kiss you shared and how much you actually want to be together.

- Finally, after a chunk of time spent trying to distance yourself as much as possible, the loudspeaker comes on during one of your classes.

“Good afternoon Shermer High School~ this is John Bender coming to tell all of you that there is little lady out there by the name of Y/n Y/l/n who is your favorite assholes girlfriend. From now on, anyone who so much as looks at her will get their teeth kicked in by yours truly. Have a nice day.” Beep.

- You immediately felt the urge to melt into the floor as the entire class turned to stare at you. Finally, you just got up and dashed out of the classroom, on the prowl for the jackass who didn’t know when to quit.

- He’s halfway across the school when you find him, lazily walking as though he’d done nothing wrong.

“What the hell is wrong with you!” You have to stop yourself from screaming the words.

“Has anyone ever told you that you look hot when you’re angry?” He asks, stopping a foot or so away from you.

“What are you trying to pull here Bender? Are you trying to make my life hell?”

“Could ask you the same thing,” he replies. “We go on a date, we kiss, we have a jolly good fucking time and then you ignore me. Now I’m sat here wondering what the fuck I did wrong, like I should even give a fuck about what you think of me.”

He stops for a moment before continuing. “Well for some reason, I do. And so I thought about it and I figured it was those girls that I was seeing. So I got rid of them. You want a steady little monogamous boyfriend? Fine. But that means you don’t touch other guys, you don’t even look at them. You’re mine now.”

- You take a minute to process what he said and try to cool off. The two of you stand there, looking at each other like you’re both waiting for the other to strike. Finally you open your mouth and give him a response.

“Fine. I’m yours. But I’m gone the minute you try to play me for a fool.”

“Wouldn’t even dream of it baby.” He grins.

- Constant pda. He loves showing off that you’re his and getting that sweet, sweet physical contact.

- Messy kisses on the cheek from him. It’s usually when he’s being a sarcastic ass but you can’t help but love it anyway.

- He requires a lot of attention. If you don’t give it to him he’s bound to do something stupid to get it.

- He’s so surprised by your innocent affection. He doesn’t know how to react when you just brush his hair from his face or hug him. What are you trying to do? Why did you do that? ...Why does he like it so much?

-You’ll snuggle into his side while watching a movie and he’ll just stiffen up with his arms held away from himself trying to figure out what you’re doing. (Kind of like when a kid hugs the big tough guy of a film.) He gets better at it later in the relationship but it’s still a bit awkward at times. Just rest assured that he does; in fact, like it.

- His hands are almost always on either your waist, hips or ass. Depends on his mood and the situation. Contrary to popular belief, he isn’t a total asshole and respects that different places call for different grips.

- With that in mind, he’s a pretty sexual person. Hickeys, groping, smacking your butt; you name it and he’s doing it.

- Making out ...a lot. His tongue is basically roommates with yours at this point.

- Rough and passionate kisses. I mean, teeth clashing, lip biting, moan inducing kisses. If you didn’t like him as much as you do, his kisses would probably be enough to convince you to stay.

- Playing with his hair. You aren’t allowed to braid it so don’t even ask.

- So many sexual innuendos and jokes. He is; in general, a horny little bastard man, so expect him to be sexual with you.

- He is constantly smirking at and trying to get you flustered.

- He’s a cocky little shit but he makes it look attractive; most of the time.

- Most of his compliments consist of him calling you hot and other less than romantic names.

- Compliments fuel him so expect him to act tough and do tricks to try and impress you.

- Stupid dancing in the privacy of your own home or his. You’re usually blaring the radio or his mixtapes.

- When he’s at your house, he’s usually wearing much comfier clothing; things he would never actually wear to school like sweaters and sweatpants. He looks surprisingly ...cute in them.

- Sometimes, he can get genuinely sweet and thoughtful, even if he refuses to admit it.

- He carries you on his shoulder a lot, usually slapping your butt or holding you by it when he’s carrying you around. 

- He sneaks into your room through your window a lot; sometimes when he just wants to see you and sometimes when he just has to get away from home.

- Definitely has had your name tattooed on him at some point; probably even gives it to himself at home or something equally dangerous and slightly stupid.

- If it wasnt for that, you would probably feel like he doesn’t know your real name; what with the amount of pet names he gives you on a day to day basis.

- He shows you off all the time. He’s so proud that he managed to snag a girl like you and actually have you fall for him. He rubs it in everyone’s face that the ‘delinquent’ got such a hot girlfriend.

- He feels like such a badass with you under his arm while he smokes. The two of you will sit in the back of the school, his arm wrapped around you and you curled up into his side while he lights up a cigarette. 

- He probably steals gifts for you, even if you tell him not to. He’ll say he bought it but deep down you kind of know he just swiped it from a shop. It’s the thought that counts right? 

- Both of you wearing mismatched earrings with the other wearing the second of the two pairs.

- It’s a huge turn on when you wear his clothes. He can’t help but stop and stare wide eyed as you come out wearing his shirt or one of his jackets; especially if there little underneath.

- Wearing his jackets. They always have a very distinct Bender-like smell: faint hints of gasoline, cigarettes and cheap cologne or maybe even your own perfume.

- He would never really admit it, but whenever he’s at your house or messing around with your bag, he sprays himself or his car with a little of your perfume. It always comforts him in a way he can’t really explain. You’ve caught him maybe once or twice but you always think he’s just dicking around with your stuff while he’s bored.

- He gets clingy sometimes but a lot of the time, he’s just annoyingly nonchalant. It’s usually all an act, pretending like he doesn’t care means he doesn’t get hurt; at least not in the eyes of other people. Thats all that matters to him; that he stays being the delinquent who doesn’t give a shit about anything. 

“ Yeah sure, whatever. Do what you want. I don’t care.” Newsflash: he cares a lot.

- You know him a lot better than he thinks you do so a lot of his actions don’t bother you any more. You know the reason behind them so you can understand why he does what he does and try to work around or through them. 

- His parents are probably never home but when they are, he never takes you to his house. He doesn’t really think that they’d try something with you there but he wants to make sure there’s never even a chance that something could happen. The truth is, he’s sort of embarrassed that he “let’s” his father beat on him.

-You definitely try to persuade him to tell somebody about his home life, but he doesn’t think anyone would believe him (like everyone else) and makes you drop the subject pretty early in the conversation.

- Occasionally, you’ll go hang out with him in detention but you’ve also managed to keep him out of most of the trouble he tries to get himself into. Sure, you let him have his fun, but he isn’t in detention everyday now; you would never see him if you let him do all the shit he wanted to.

- You’ve also gotten him to stop fucking around with random people; for the most part. You explain to him that it really isn’t fun or funny to watch him bully and ridicule people who don’t or can’t fight back.

- He’s sorta insecure. He often wonders why you would want to date him of all people, especially if you come from a good family. He thinks of himself as the dirtbag of the school so it really just doesn’t make sense that someone like you (Someone who he thinks could quite possibly be perfect) would want him.

- Your parents hate him of course; mostly because of his reputation and the fact that they’ve seen him kiss the everloving shit out of you in front of the school.

- You make sure he knows that you’ll always be there. He’ll brush it off but he likes that you actually give a shit about him. Your words will stick with him and he’ll find himself thinking about them late at night, feeling comforted at the idea.

- You patch him up after his father hurts him, both physically and emotionally. If he needs you to clean him up, you’ll do it. If he just needs to sit with you in silence for a while; you’ll do that too. Whatever will make him feel alright.

- He has trouble being completely open with you and sharing his feelings. He’s very closed off, having built up a wall over the years. You let him take it down when he thinks he’s ready to; you don’t want to try to break it down and end up chasing him away. You know that deep down, he’s really just scared of letting people in and getting hurt more than he already has been.

- It takes a while for him to fully trust you but when he does, it’s worth the time you spent trying to get him to.

- He’s a pretty jealous and possessive guy. He doesn’t have much but he has you and that means a lot to him so anyone who tries to take you away from him is in for an ass kicking. Plus, it’s just common knowledge that you don’t try to mess with Bender.

- He’s seen firsthand how terrible people can be so he’s sort of intent on making sure you aren’t treated the same way he is. His parents may not hold the same sentiment but he would never let someone hurt the person he loves.

- Fights are usually loud and filled with curse words and name calling. He definitely storms off, either in the middle of it or towards the end when things aren’t exactly over but slightly calmed down from the full blown war you were having.

- To him, he can ignore you but the instant you do the same, he’s pissed off. Before you decide to ignore him, you’ll probably try and get him to talk to you but he’ll just give you the silent treatment. That’s when you finally give up and do the same, instantly turning the tables.

- No ones ever really put him in his place like that. They lash out, yell at him, maybe even hit him; but they never give him a taste of his own medicine. After a while of you ignoring him, he starts to do everything in his power to make you talk to him, even if he’s still pissed. He hates it, seeing you play his game; maybe even playing it better than him.

- He doesn’t necessarily apologize, he just; usually willingly, forgets which one of you actually started it and what you were fighting about in the first place. Or, if he does remember what you were fighting about, he sort of resolves it, explaining why there’s no reason for either of you to be upset with each other/why you don’t have to be angry with him.

- He doesn’t say he loves you but you know he does from the way he acts. He never treats anyone quite like he treats you and you can tell there’s something different in his gaze whenever he looks at or talks about you.

- He thinks you’ll leave him at some point so he always tries to make the most of your time together. You always reassure him that he’s not getting rid of you that easily which brings a little smile to his face. 

“Even if you did leave me, you’d never get over me. I’d spare you the pain and take you back, you know? I’m not cruel.”

“Gee thanks babe.”

“No problem, sweetheart.”

- He may be an annoying asshole at times, but you love him and will stand by him through thick and thin, and him you.

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/12/2020: THEATER OF BLOOD

I have a question, inspired by this movie, that might sound naïve to people who know the answer. What exactly was the casting process for Vincent Price? It's very hard for me to imagine anyone writing a script with a horror heavy that could be played by any qualified actor, and only later is that role filled by someone whose presence takes over the whole picture. What I mean is, any movie that stars Vincent Price becomes a Vincent Price movie, which is something of its own genre. The entire production becomes an extension of his vampy presence, simply an accommodating runaway on which he struts and flexes in his inimitable fashion. It's much easier for me to think that every single Vincent Price movie was either written for him or suggested by him; he so dominantly flavors everything he's in, that he feels like a one-man cottage industry in which he is the only product, and we the adoring audience accept no substitute. At present I do not know what percentage of his filmography was specifically tailor-made for him, but if you were to tell me that only one of his movies was written with him in mind, I might guess that it's THEATER OF BLOOD.

Though his name became synonymous with the oft-maligned horror genre, Vincent Price was an impressively cultured person. He held degrees in english and art history from Yale and the Courtauld Institute of Art; he was an art collector and gourmand, publishing books on both subjects; and he began his acting career on the stages of London, continuing to perform live throughout his working life. It comes as little surprise that of his 211 screen credits, Price called THEATER OF BLOOD his personal favorite, as it provided him with an opportunity to show off his range and ability that he rarely found in the horror demimonde, which had become his primary home. Seen in that light, this movie can be thought of as an allegory for his film career.

THEATER OF BLOOD makes a grand entrance with a shocking scene of a theater critic being murdered by a mob of crazed homeless people. It feels like something out of PRINCE OF DARKNESS, but we learn that it is an homage to the bloody conclusion of Julius Caesar. The crime has been orchestrated by Edward Lionheart (Price, naturally), the self-described world’s greatest living actor, who recently faked his own death to facilitate his plan to snuff out the members of the Theater Critics Guild for snubbing him at their award ceremony. Aided by his devoted daughter Edwina (Diana Rigg) and a small army of murderous derelicts, Lionheart sets up a modern version of a famous Shakespearean death scene for each of his victims, giving each critic proof of his neglected genius before sending them off to the sleep of death. The results are more Tales from the Crypt than The Winter's Tale, with Price's elegant interpretations of the bard's plays providing an ironic counterpoint to the gruesome goings-on.

All told, Price gets to play 17 different roles in this movie (unless I'm missing something, which is possible in this busy movie!), including Lionheart: For each of the eight critics, he first plays a seducer--a disguised decoy character who lures his prey into the trap--and then delivers a Shakespearean monologue correlating with the mode of death. Lionheart has a lot to do in this picture, originally titled MUCH ADO ABOUT MURDER, and the results can be a little uneven. Some of these setpieces are fabulous; along with the Caesar-like stabbing, the laborious decapitation of a peacefully sleeping victim ala Cymbeline is pretty exciting, and genuinely disturbing. Some scenes are a little pedestrian; the wine barrel drowning from Richard III, and the duel from Romeo and Juliet don't require a lot of imagination. Still other murders are...just crass, or insane, or both. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around Lionheart triggering a jealous rage in his Othello stand-in, by somehow convincing the man that his wife's screams of pain are cries of pleasure. (Don't worry, this is not less confusing when you actually see it) Another sticking point is the movie's gratuitous homophobia, which is somewhat ironic in a story about the theater; a perfectly disgusting Titus Andronicus sendup is marred by its insistence on one last gay joke at the expense of the movie's most idiotically stereotypical character. Oh well, at least Price is consistently pleasing, no matter what else is going on.

OK, so all homophobia is gratuitous in that nobody needs it, but let’s just say that the bigotry in something like PSYCHO is native to its plot, where in THEATER OF BLOOD it’s just, like...really unmotivated.

Vincent Price never let on that he felt pigeonholed by his absorption into the horror universe--at least, not on the screen. Find me a lazy or contemptuous performance in his filmography, and...I'll probably just tell you that you're hallucinating. However, he may have privately regretted that his unique talent for terror prevented him from being offered more varied work. THEATER OF BLOOD allowed him to split the difference, and his diverse performances in this picture can make you forget that it has almost the same plot structure as the DOCTOR PHIBES movies made in the previous two years. The present film may have allowed him to take his own subtle form of revenge on an industry that practically insisted he repeat many of the same plots and performances, at least once a year into the 1980s. Sure, THEATER OF BLOOD is loaded with gore and trashy gags, but it allows him to try his hand at Shakespeare, something he reportedly always wanted to do. I can't help thinking of the Florida strippers who worked Macbeth into their act to get around ludicrous local laws, though in this case, rote horror clichés are the establishment, and Price is the stripper subversively inserting a touch of class into his obligatorily grisly routine. The trick works, too; it's as much fun to see him as the eponymous Merchant of Venice, as it is to watch him murder his enemies, and apparently this mix was convincing enough to launch a theatrical adaptation in 2015, starring none lesser than Jim Broadbent. This has the sensation of things coming full circle, with a film character originated by Price landing on the floorboards he once trod as a man of the stage. Too bad he wasn't around to play the part.

PS There is a lot I’m leaving out of this review for the sake of coherence--like, I would have loved to make a detour into the hilariously weird origin story of Lionheart’s morlock army--but I would be remiss if I failed to mention that Diana Rigg also gets to try out an alternative character in this movie, and it’s...uh...well...it’s this. RIP.

Don’t fret, if I didn’t tell you, you would have guessed, and you also would have been just as confused as you are now.

[xxpadfootxx]

Request: IzuOcha, Izuku listening to Ochako's heartbeat

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting! This request was so adorable, I squealed when I saw it. I’m sorry it took me a bit to write, I’ve been busy with my classes so I had to write it in fragments 😂. Anyway, here you go! I hope you enjoy!

~~~

🐾 Drumming Song 🐾

Ochako turned at the sound of her front door being opened, her face breaking into a smile at the thought of her husband finally getting home from work. That is, until she saw his face. Ochako immediately grew concerned at the sight of Izuku Midoriya, her best friend and husband, swaying slightly on his feet, his eyes downcast and his head down, his hair falling into his face. Ochako allowed her gaze to scan over the rest of his body, taking in the drying blood and torn fabric of his hero costume, her alarm increasing the longer she looked.

“Izuku!” Ochako cried, abandoning the dinner she was making for the both of them at the island and rushing over to him, her eyes wide and her hands frantic as she ran them all over him, checking for injuries. “What happened!?”

Ochako and Izuku worked at different hero agencies. Usually, the famous power couple was still able to work together, often coordinating their schedules so they could patrol and fight villains together, protecting one another as well as they possibly could under the circumstances. But sometimes their schedules couldn’t be matched up, something that had occurred this time. Ochako had been given a rare day off by her boss, Gunhead, who was giving her a reward for working so hard, claiming she needed some well-deserved rest. Unfortunately, Izuku was not given the same luxury, a fact that resulted in Izuku leaving for work without Ochako for the first time in several months.

“Rough day,” Izuku mumbled in response to Ochako’s question, not moving as she ran her hands all over him. Her touch was gentle and almost reverent as she glided her fingertips over his chest and arms, eventually sliding down to her knees to check his legs.

Gods he was so tired. He wanted to be able to talk and laugh with his wife like usual, eating a delicious dinner as they talked about arbitrary things. He wanted to cuddle up with her while they watched a movie together, either laughing at the cheesiness of it or clutching each other in fear, wrapped up in blankets while they watched a horror film. He wanted to make her feel good, joke around with her like he always did and show her how much he cared, after all she did for him, it was the least he could do as her adoring husband. But he was so goddamn exhausted. His body felt drained, his shoulders heavy with the weight of the day’s events.

It was supposed to be a normal day, easy patrols, light paperwork, just simple things to keep the heroes sharp and remind the villains that they were prepared to keep this city safe at all costs. Izuku had even planned to surprise Ochako by coming home early, finishing up all of his reports quicker than usual before going on one last patrol through the city.

Everything had gone to hell in the blink of an eye. Izuku hadn’t even known where the villain had come from, the mad woman flying out in front of him before he could even process she was there. Buildings had been blown apart, traffic had come to a screeching halt, the screaming had begun. It was all so shocking and overwhelming. Izuku had tried to keep up with the chaos but it had been so hard, working on his own to detain the villain and protect the people around him for several minutes while he waited for the other pro heroes to arrive.

The villain had been absolutely insane, her quirk something of god-like proportions as she terrorized the main square, tearing apart the sides of buildings as if they were nothing but paper, the wild gleam in her eyes making Izuku’s blood run cold as she tore through the city. They had eventually been successful in capturing the villain when the other pros had shown up, locking her away in a specially designed carrier to take her to a holding cell far away from the main city.

Izuku was relieved the villain had been caught, but the fight had been so draining, so destructive, to the point where Izuku had felt like collapsing afterwards. If that wasn’t bad enough, Izuku found out that eight citizens lost their lives in the attack, each one of their deaths feeling like another stab wound to his heart. He lived for protecting people, it was his job. Buildings could be rebuilt, cars could be reissued, objects could be replaced, but human lives could not be brought back. Izuku felt so hopeless, so fucking useless, he wanted to cry.

Izuku was brought back to reality when Ochako stood back up from where she had been examining his legs for injury, her face glowing with love and concern for him. His heart clenched. Even after all of these years, he still felt so undeserving of her love, of that look on her face directed at him, but she had refused to listen when he told her those things, claiming he more than earned his place in her heart. As he thought back to the fight, those negative thoughts came flooding back, filling his brain until he could think of nothing else, his heart filled with loathing for himself.

Izuku met Ochako’s gaze when her hand gently lifted his chin to look him in the eye, and he knew that even though he tried to shutter the emotions raging in his heart, she could read him like an open book. Her eyes were swimming with remorse as she read his face, her own heart reaching out to him.

Ochako knew Izuku was struggling. She had no idea what had happened while he was at work, she hadn’t had time to keep track on the TV like she usually did, too busy cleaning the house and doing some reports from home to pay attention to the news, but she knew her husband well enough to know that he was really struggling. Sighing, Ochako leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into her chest as she gently ran her fingertips down his spine, her nails lightly scraping him through his shirt.

“I’ve got you.”

Izuku shuddered, both at the feeling of her wrapped around him and her words, her sweet whisper tickling his ear. Tears sprang up in his eyes, a few sliding down his cheeks and landing on her neck as he nuzzled her throat, trying to thank her wordlessly since his throat was too closed up to speak properly.

They remained locked together, gently swaying in the kitchen for a long moment, until Ochako pulled back, her hand finding his as she maintained eye contact with him, making sure he didn’t fall down into the pit of self loathing again.

“Come on,” Ochako murmured, tugging him along.

Izuku didn’t have the strength to resist even if he wanted to, his feet shuffling as he followed dutifully behind her, his fingers still linked with hers. Ochako led them to their bedroom, pulling Izuku with her until she reached the edge of their bed, before leaning down and gently stripping him of his filthy hero costume until he was in nothing but his boxers. He groaned a little at the feeling of the disgusting material being peeled from his body, his eyes following her movements as she tossed the costume to the side to be dealt with later. Ochako then gently pushed him onto the bed, laying him down against the pillows. Dinner completely forgotten, Ochako moved around to lay down beside him, her arms reaching around to embrace him once more.

Izuku didn’t hesitate to cuddle into her warmth, burying his face in her chest, nuzzling her until he got comfortable and settled down, his ear pressed against her sternum.

Lub-dub... Lub-dub... Lub-dub…

Izuku took a shuddering breath at the sound of her loud heart, beating just for him, clear and healthy against his ear. He closed his eyes as he felt her fingers begin to card through his hair, a soft groan slipping from between his lips at the feeling.

Lub-dub... Lub-dub... Lub-dub…

Her heart played like a drum for him, filling him with relief and joy despite his difficult day, a clear, joyful reminder that his beloved was alive and right beside him, ready to comfort him just as he did for her when her days got hard. Gods, he loved this woman. He couldn’t get enough of her as he pressed even harder into her chest, his breathing starting to slow down, her heartbeat the best kind of lullaby to lull him to sleep.

Lub-dub... Lub-dub... Lub-dub…

“Ochako?”

“Yes, ‘Zuku?”

“Never leave me, please.”

Lub-dub... Lub-dub... Lub-dub…

Ochako smiled sadly down at her husband, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head.

“Never.”

Izuku’s arms slithered around her form and squeezed her tight as he listened to her heartbeat. He heard it speed up slightly at his touch, making him smirk a little, and causing his own heart to flutter. He would never get tired of knowing how much she was affected by him, that she wanted and loved him as much as he wanted and loved her. She was just so perfect.

Lub-dub... Lub-dub... Lub-dub…

More tears slid down his cheeks but for entirely different reasons as the beating drum in her chest vibrated throughout his whole being, healing his own heart and soothing his troubled mind. Ochako sighed softly when Izuku pressed a kiss to her chest, just below her collarbone, his eyes opening groggily to meet her gaze, watching her as he pressed another kiss, just above where he knew her heart was, the steady thumping picking up the pace once more.

“Thank you,” Izuku said softly, holding her somehow closer and resting his head back on her chest, sighing in bliss as his body finally relaxed, his muscles unwinding as he breathed in her unique scent.

“Always, Izuku,” Ochako said quietly, her eyes closing as she relaxed against the pillows, his warm breath fanning out across her neck and and the comfortable weight of his body pressing against hers lulling her to sleep.

“I love you, you’re too good to me,” Izuku mumbled against her.

Ochako let out a tired chuckle.

“Ditto, Izuku. I love you so much. Now, sleep.”

Izuku sighed and immediately felt his body respond to her words, his consciousness slipping from his grasp like water running through his fingers. But even as the world went black and he lost all sense of the things around him, Izuku could still hear, still feel Ochako’s heart, thumping steadily against him, playing him his favorite song to soothe him from the horrors of the day.

Lub-dub... Lub-dub... Lub-dub…

Ochako was his, and Izuku was hers, his heart pounding just as loudly to match hers, chanting her name and beating for her just as hers did, answering her own calls to him. She was his salvation, and his thumping heart, fueled by his love for her, was a testament to that.

Ochako fell asleep shortly after her husband did, both of their bodies completely relaxed and curled around each other as they sought solace from each other, their hearts beating as one.

[rikerxworf]

☆. Meta: Frame of Mind ⭒*

Despite it being quite dark in its tone and themes, I felt like writing about this episode, s6e21. It has some very nice Worfriker moments that say a lot about their canon relationship. In fact, I’d argue that if you put on your shipping goggles, it’s one of their ‘shippiest’ episodes (´ ᵕ ` *)

! Trigger warnings for abusive treatments of mental illness, and violence !

Plot summary: For one of Beverly’s plays, Will rehearses the role of a mentally ill character in an asylum. He’s afraid of screwing up but tries rather eagerly to nail his dialogue. Meanwhile, Picard wants him to find a lost Federation science team on an anarchistic alien planet, and Will gets briefed on the undercover mission by Worf, who seems downright anxious to secure Will’s safety during the operation. Unintendedly, he cuts Will with a knife.

Will slowly grows more paranoid and restless, and eventually finds himself trapped in the alien asylum from the play, where the doctors say that he was a killer and was having hallucinations about a Starship. Will agrees to let himself be treated with ‘reflection therapy’, where it turns out that Picard, Troi and Worf each represent a part of his personality. Attempts by the Enterprise crew wanting to rescue Will fall flat because by now, he is convinced that he’s imagining all of this and really ‘insane’.

He finally escapes the illusion on his own, waking in an alien lab, and manages to reach the communicator Worf gave him to have the Enterprise beam him up to safety – turns out he had been abducted during his mission and experimented on. The pain and images he saw were his mind trying to keep him same, Troi explains. In the end, Will clears the stage for the play with his bare hands because he could not sleep knowing it was still up.

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Despite Will being such a humorous character, his character episodes can be really dark, and “Frame of Mind” is surely one of TNG’s darkest episodes overall. However, there are really sweet strands drawn throughout it, namely Will’s connection to his fellow crewmates. And Worf’s is the most interesting one to me, so it will be the focus of my text *:･ﾟ✧

Which brings me to my first point – we don’t see the real Worf in this episode at all. Everything before the lab scene takes place entirely in Will’s head as he’s being experimented on for strategic information that’s being pulled directly from his brain, so much so that he’s close to ‘becoming insane’. In retrospect, this is really important for the interpretation of the previous scenes, because at the end of the episode, Deanna explains that

“Your mind must have created a defense mechanism that helped you resist the neurosomatic process. Your unconscious fastened on to elements of your real life in an attempt to keep you grounded, to keep you sane.”

So, everything we see is not a one-to-one reliving of Will’s memories, but rather an idealized version that his mind fabricated to “keep him grounded” and comforted, I might add. Deanna talking to Will in Ten Forward, Beverly caring for his mental health, Data complementing him on his performance – those are all very comforting experiences for Will.

And oh, not to mention – the mission briefing scene alone with Worf. Oh, Lord, this scene. It serves as clever foreshadowing AND plays like textbook fanfic to be honest, and I mean that in a thoroughly good way: flirty Will, grumpy Worf, irritated Will, flustered Worf.

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When I first watched it, I was super taken aback by how extremely protective Worf was about Will. When Will keeps making nonchalant comments throughout the briefing, Worf reacts in strong disapproval, saying

“I suggest you pay closer attention, Commander. Your life will be at stake. Do you understand what I am saying?”

Like, chill dude sdfjskdsk – That was my initial reaction! Will’s comments were in good will after all. At first, he says “That’s a lot of land for one man to cover. I guess I’d better pack an extra pair of boots” with a small smile, and Worf just… sighs sdfjskdsk. (On a sidenote, I discovered the American expression ‘knocking boots’ through Star Trek, and now every time I hear it the word ‘boots’ I remember it, which is not very helpful if it’s accompanied by William T. Riker’s smile toward Worf).

Afterwards, Worf shows Will the alien outfit that he will use for his alien disguise, and hands him the communicator, hid in a pendant. And Will literally goes, “Hmmm doesn't really match the outfit”, after which Worf suggests he’d pay “closer attention” because “his life will be at stake”, making Will straighten up to say “I do [understand what you’re saying]”.

It’s… a lot. But we’re not done yet, because Worf continues by showing Will the nisroh, the knife used for the traditional bartering ceremony that will complete Will’s disguise. It’s a very pretty looking knife, and Worf seemingly takes a lot of delight in showing Will how to move it. It’s… really cute, actually.

But then he cuts Will, and needless to say, when I first saw it I thought, man, the budget can not possibly be this low. Because it doesn’t look like a cut from a knife at all! It’s just a round wound on his temple, like a circle. And also – Jonathan Frakes’ acting isn’t that fucking bad. William looks absolutely horrified by what just happened; the look in his eyes is so uneasy that it left me really perplexed. Of course, everything clears up as we near the episode’s end: The wound never was Will getting cut by Worf’s knife, it was the circular plug the aliens used to extract information from his brain. And the horrified look was probably coupled to the immense pain Will felt from the extraction and the feeling that something wasn’t right.

Which is super intriguing, because the pain from the knife is eventually what drives him back to his former self, out of the circle of delusions, but more on that later. I want to close on the briefing scene by calling to everyone’s attention Worf’s cute reaction to the ‘cut’: he looks DEVASTATED sjdfksk

The gasp, the flustered and breathy way he apologizes, plus Will cutting him off by saying “it’s okay” – I love it, what can I say. I love it even more when I imagine that, in the real briefing, Worf never cut Will, and this situation only occurred in his mind to “keep him grounded”. It’s… a lot, as I said. Especially considering that “a Klingon who had cut me with a knife” is one of the first things Will remembers in the asylum.

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The asylum scenes have been pure terror to me, in a very horror film kind of way. When Will gets trapped there first, it’s bad, apart from a few things he remembers (like Worf). But when he returns there, running across the Enterprise’s corridors, terrified, thinking he had returned safely to his quarters but actually finding himself in the ward yet again – poor Will screams “No!” and “Let me out of here!”, which would have been a perfectly okay time to cut to black. But they didn’t.

To break everyone’s heart, they showed him sinking down against the door, quietly crying “Help me”, which… don’t worry, we’ll come back to. “Help” is an important word in this script.

Earlier in the asylum, the alien doctor explains to Will why he is here. He is accused of having murdered someone and behaving extremely violent, as one of the alien guards explains:

“I remember when they brought you in. You were struggling, screaming. We could barely hold you down. In fact, just getting the blood off your hands took over an hour.”

I’ll get back to this description later. It is also mentioned that Will murdered the person with a knife, stabbing them “nine times”. We later learn that was Will fighting his abductors with the nisroh Worf had given him.

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Let’s go to another important scene, the ‘reflection therapy’. The alien doctor scans Will’s head with a device that projects different aspects of Will’s mind as holographic images that, in Will’s case, take the form of his Enterprise colleagues.

When the doctor asks Will to describe his feelings during the murder – in reality: the abduction, but Will doesn’t know that at this point – Deanna materializes and says she (Will) was “terrified”. The doctor explains to Will that Deanna represents the part of his mind dealing with “feelings”. And when he asks about “actions”, an image of Worf appears, and the first thing he says is that he (Will) was “angry”. Worf representing Will’s actions is interesting if you recall how much of a fight Will had put up when he was to be brought to the asylum, struggling and screaming.

The third image of his mind, Picard, represents some sort of rational thinking.

Soon, the reflection of feelings says, “Don’t believe this, Will. None of it’s real”, with the Picard reflection adding, “You can trust us. Everything will be all right”. Will calls them delusions when the doctors asks him if he had something to say to those comments. And then Worf goes,

“Do not listen to him, Commander. He is trying to trick you. You are in danger here.”

Notice how Worf keeps telling Will that he is not safe now. He said it before during the briefing, he says it now, and he will say it again when he and Data try to save Will. Which kind of has me wondering – does Worf really ‘just’ represent Will’s actions? It sounds to me as though he’s the part of Will’s mind that grants him safety and protection, but hey that’s just me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also, the quote from above is not all the reflection says. After a brief cut to Will, there’s a close-up of Worf, saying

BOOM. For those unaware, these words are special in Trek. See, in the brilliant TOS episode “The City on the Edge of Forever”, James Kirk explains that “a famous novelist” wrote a classic in which they recommended the words “let me help” even over “I love you”, which kind of made these words carry a special meaning among Trekkies. (It also didn’t help that Spock said them to Kirk in the very next fucking episode, followed by Kirk proclaiming “I need you, Spock”. It’s a lot.)

One could argue that Worf’s reflection doesn’t explicitly say “let me help” but “let us help you”. But what difference does it make, really? It’s not Worf saying these words, it’s a reflection of the part of Will’s mind that is represented by Worf. In this context, I wouldn’t give the pronouns too much emphasis. Basically, it’s Will’s need of safety telling him that he is loved and not alone. It’s honestly very touching (´ ᵕ ` *)

However, after talking to him more and more, Will does not want to see these reflections anymore. He chases them away with a loud “no”, clearly distraught by what he just saw.

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In the night following the ‘reflection therapy’, Will is woken by Data and Worf breaking into his ward to help him escape to the common area, where they have placed transporter pattern enhancers to beam him back to the Enterprise. Remember, none of this really happens, it’s all Will’s mind trying to “keep him grounded”. Worf says, “You must come with us, you are in danger here”, which, as I pointed out before, makes him sound like he is Will’s sense of protection or something.

However, Will does not want to go with them, because he still believes the Enterprise crew are delusions of his ill mind. Again, he loudly cries “Help me!” (notice a pattern here?), which makes two guards appear. They are quickly overtaken by Data and Worf, who still fight for Will even though he had turned his back on them. They then proceed to beam up to the Enterprise. I kind of think they chose these two characters as the rescuers because they were the only ones strong enough to hold William T. Riker in case he protested, which he did. However, only Worf is present in the next scene, sickbay, while Data is gone.

Beverly examines Will and treats the round wound on his temple – somehow, it had reappeared. Knowing that it’s the plug connected to real-life Will on the lab table, things now get interesting: The wound closes and reopens instantly. Will notices this illogic, and the pain keeps resurfacing as Worf and Picard explain that Will has been abducted on his undercover mission. The same wound Will thought had been inflicted on him by Worf and the knife. Exclaiming “This isn’t real!”, he knocks Worf out, takes his phaser and shots himself – because the phaser isn’t real, right?

On the next level of delusion, with the doctors and guard gaslighting Will, the pain on his temple resurfaces again, and again on the third level of delusion when he’s told to “stop fighting”. I’m sorry, but that’s a very clear line here: The pain that Will thought had been given to him by Worf (i.e. his “actions” / his ‘need for safety’) is what keeps him on the right track, namely that none of this is real.

When he’s about to give up, wearily asking “What’s happening to me…?”, the alien doctor tells him, “Listen to me. We can still save you, but you must stop fighting us”, followed by Will gasping in pain and declaring that he’s being lied to because the pain is still there.

And boy, now the ASSHOLE ALIEN DOCTOR says to him “let me help you”, which makes Will go feral. He screams and fights the doctor and the stage set, finally making him wake in-real-life, on a lab table with a cable plugged into his temple, where the wound had been all along.

I’m… Okay, listen. Even if you deny the subtext of a Worf-reflection saying “let us help you”, the contrast to the villain saying “let me help you” and Will’s reaction to it speak for themselves. He had wanted help throughout this episode. Being offered it by his friends made him speechless, but being offered it by the one who abused him all this time is what agitates Will so much that he returns to reality. I know the script was kind of last-minute, but parallels like this must be intentional.

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So, now Will is finally back in reality, for the first time in this episode. He looks around and finds the equipment he’s been given by Worf before the mission and manages to reach it before the scientists can get a hold of him. He activates the pendant’s communicator and is answered by – Worf. Who proceeds to beam him up. This is the only time ‘real Worf’ is in this episode, and it’s only his voice. But boy, after going through so much bullshit, can you imagine what Will must feel like hearing this voice? Oh, I know: safe. It’s another point in the theme of ‘protectiveness’ that Will and Worf have going on in this episode.

Also, do you notice how Will takes the knife in his left hand and the pendant in his right? I don’t know if he’s supposed to be left-handed, because unless he is, holding a knife in your weak hand isn’t that much of a fighting advantage. But Will still goes for the pendant first, to call Worf who gave him the communicator in the first place. Plus the alien doctor watches the nisroh with such fear it’s an actual delight shdfjksk

The nisroh as a symbol is so intriguing. It’s not what gets Will into all of this, like we first think when Worf injures Will with it. It’s the thing that he uses to fight his abductors and that ultimately gets him out of there. The resurfacing pain it inflicted (in Will’s mind, that is) and the threatening gesture help Will return to the real Enterprise, where he dismantles the stage ward with such violence it really makes you think about all the times he tried to escape the ward by pushing away its walls.

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So, yeah, that’s my take on “Frame of Mind”! There are really nice and sweet moments in this otherwise rather disturbing episode, for example ‘Worf’ saying “let us help you” in that firm voice of his (´ ∀ ` *)

More than that though, I think this story is very intimate because 95% of it take place in Will’s head. His subconscious, as Deanna explains it, argues that he and Worf are ultimately connected by protectiveness. Either that, or Will just likes to think of Worf as someone who worries a lot about him lol. It’s Worf who keeps warning him of danger, making him fight and ultimately making him return to safety. That even extends keeping him “grounded” and “sane” if you ask me.

Thank you for reading this spontaneous outpouring haha! Please tell me your thoughts about it, or other episodes you find interesting! ♡

[xoruffitup]

Adam Driver on SNL: 1/25 Dress Rehearsal Recap

I’m having dejavu of the best kind. I’m sitting here on the bus on my way back from NYC in hungover euphoria and overjoyed disbelief at everything I just experienced, texting new friends and old, recounting everything in my head and smiling so hard. The September 2018 weekend of Adam’s last SNL show lives in my memory in unmatched infamy, so my excitement was off the charts to do it all again. And because this show was absolutely fucking INCREDIBLE, this weekend delivered in every way all over again!! Seriously, my face aches from how I can’t stop smiling aksnksj HELP :’)

My friends and I were in the Dress Rehearsal, so below the cut are retellings of ALLLL the skits including those cut from the Live show - and no small amount of helpless emotional flailing.

I had an idea of what to expect after attending Adam’s 2018 show, but I nevertheless felt sky-high levels of anxiety when Sarah and we arrived at the NBC shop at 6:30. I knew rationally that our chances of getting into Dress were good with numbers #12 - 14, but every now and then there’s the occasional oddity of only a handful of Standby people getting in. Though even without any uncertainty in the equation, my entire being goes on Hyped/Anxious Overdrive anyway whenever I’m about to be in the same space as Adam sO really there’s nothing for it. :’)

They lined us up by numbers, I did a lot of emotional wobbling like “I can’t believe we’re here again together guys waaaah” (have I mentioned I met these girls at Adam’s last show? Full circle moment of the highest and most beautiful caliber and it had me hella verklempt), and thennnn - drumroll and hushed silence please - the main security guy comes up to the giant line and asks the first 20 people to come with him.

As they constantly remind you throughout this thoroughly nerve-wracking process, there is no guarantee you’ll actually get into the show until you’re physically in the seat. It’s a long, harrowing trip from the NBC store where the line gathers, up stairs, elevators, and through hallways to reach the studio, and you can still be cut even as far as the very last checkpoint if all seats fill up with the people ahead of you. So as you get closer, the excitement spikes higher and higher but so does the worry! We went through security, and then I clung to our new Standby line friend Catherine’s arm as they lined us up two-by-two on the first staircase, with Sarah and @reylonly right behind. I was likely extremely annoying as I couldn’t help being rambly and weird in my nerves and compulsively hugging my girls’ arms. @reylonly did her very best to calm my hot mess down, bless her.

About 45 minutes later (Maybe? I had no idea what time was, lbr) we reached the final point of the elevator and last hallway, and were held just outside the studio. THEN - the woman there instructed the next 4 to follow her in (thank GOD because we were terrified of being split up), WE WENT INTO THE STUDIO WHEW YAYAY OMFG WE WERE THERE!!! - but then oh no it happened so fast that she pointed @reylonly down to a single seat in the center and then the other 3 of us to seats towards the left side of the stage. They were all single seats, but thank GOSH they were all end seats of rows right next to each other. So Sarah was right in front of me and I could grab her shoulder (which I would do a lot in increasingly desperate excitement over the next 2 hours), and Catherine and I could reach across the aisle to cling to each other’s hands! @reylonly was on her own but in an incredible seat, and during commercial breaks we would lean forward to wave and blow kisses to each other and mime flailing or crying as one incredible sketch after another played out in front of us. I made sure to be friendly and talk to the people sitting next to me so they wouldn’t be too annoyed with me and Sarah always grabbing at each other, but LOL they probably thought I was at least a little insane. I mean, maybe for the moment alone when I saw a girl I’d made friends with in line but then lost track of in a seat not too far from me, and we started waving and dabbing at each other. Once we were seated there in the studio, all the anxiety gave way to surging excitement and I was practically bouncing in my seat, so overjoyed to be there and see my dear fandom friends there with me!

Michael Che warmed up the audience with some standup, the House band jammed, and Sarah and I momentarily got Extremely Excited when we saw them setting up the hell backdrop set for the cold open and thought at the time it was supposed to be Tattooine for a Star Wars skit, lolol. But then the actual show started, and with our Adam-eagle eyes Catherine reached out to whisper “there he is! In the blonde wig!” And, heart in my throat no matter how many times I see this man in person, I frantically squinted at all the people waiting just off to the side of the set until I saw that unmistakably Tol Broad back, and then he stepped onto the set and into the lighted camera’s view and I was cheering and clapping so hard for his first appearance that I couldn’t hear who he was supposed to be playing. xD I was just tapping Sarah’s shoulder in front of me, bouncing in my seat a little, and trying not to start levitating with the sheer force of my excitement and joy to be there.

OKAY from here I’ll break this up by skit! Anything that was different or missing from the Live show I put in bold font if you want to skip to that! Starting with...

Intro Monologue

WHAT A GOOD MONOLOGUE, ITS LIKE THEY JUST LET ADAM RUN WITH IT AND WRITE IT HIMSELF IT WAS SO HIM AND HILARIOUS AND WEIRD AND YET CHARMING IDEK I WILL NEVER COMPREHEND THE WONDER OF THIS MAN??

So when he dropped the bomb of “I’m a husband and a FATHER” I clapped Sarah’s shoulder SO HARD, then he made he joke “I’ve made it very clear to my son that he’s second in everything” and I could not bELIEVE the wonder of what I was hearing omfg. I heard the words “my son” come out of his mouth with my own ears WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED, SURE AS HELL NOT ME????

Then he went into the audience to demonstrate how “approachable” he is and was so awk/weird/hilarious I was just losing it, then took his time meandering around the stage and making weird faces into the camera and I was just LOSING IT. And AKSKSJA after that he wandered over to another camera that was lower and kind of hummed as he lifted his shirt and put it over the camera so we got a full on belly button view for 2 unbelievable glorious seconds!! He looked up at the monitors as he was doing it and went “oh you can’t see anything” so that’s probably why he sadly didn’t flash his belly in the Live show.

“Cheer” with Adam as one of the team coaches

I’m going by the skit order in Dress, and this one was first after the monologue. Best part for me was the accent reminiscent of Clyde Logan. :3 But tbh, of the 6 skits they did for the Live show, I kind of wish this one had been swapped for the one performed last in Dress that was sO Wild and would have made fandom absolutely lose its shit aksnksal more to come on that.

UNDERCOVER BOSS AKA RANDY THE INTERN

THE BEST GIFT WE COULD HAVE RECEIVED!! BLESS YOU SNL AND ADAM FOR GIVING US KYLO CONTENT TO BE HAPPY OVER AND LOVE WHOLE HEARTEDLY. T___T

Honestly, I cannot even properly describe my reaction when the Undercover Boss intro logo appeared on all the monitors oHMYLoRDDD. I nearly leapt out of my seat, like my heart nearly jumped clear out of my chest oh my fuck and I was legit holding onto Sarah so much I almost slid out of my seat - I just couldn’t believe it and I cheered SO LOUD. The entire audience erupted with this “HOLY SHIT” vibe outburst and I was SO happy to be there in that moment - knowing that our entire fandom was only hours away from this!! I honestly didn’t expect it at all - after they didn’t do one of these the second time Adam was on, I thought there was no chance. But IT HAPPENED AND IT WAS SO QUALITY HILARIOUS WE ARE SO BLESSED - THANK YOU TO RANDY’S LIL BEANIE AND VEST AND HIPSTER PANTS.

Pretty sure I like half curled up on myself laughing so hard my feet left the floor at OK BOOMER. And at the part with “will Rey take his hand?” I swear MY SOUL NEAR LEFT MY BODY I MEAN IS THIS THE REAL LIFE IS THIS JUST FANTASYYYY

..... Can someone come promise me we really didn’t just collectively hallucinate that??

SAG Awards Fashion Red Carpet

I’m not too disappointed this one was cut. Of all the amazing skits performed, I would have ranked this one lower. Adam and Kenan Thompson were fashion critics talking about celebs’ looks on the SAG red carpet. A minute in Adam says, “We should be paying more attention to the kids!” Kenan: *nervous laugh* “uh, should we??” Adam starts talking about/admiring the outfits for like Finn Wolfhard etc, with hilarious but bordering creepy descriptions like “masculine but not quite fully grown,” until Kenan is like “umm maybe we shouldn’t be talking about kids this much?”

They interview a girl who’s supposed to be Jojo Siwa and Adam’s like “you should know I think you’re beautiful. Kids need to hear more often that they’re beautiful.” Kenan panics, going “alRIGHT we’re gonna cut back to the studio now!” The skit ended with Adam: “I got a ticket to the Nickelodeon afterparty and I’m gonna swipe one of those kids in my pocket!”

“Slow” Digital Short

HONESTLY, this competes with Undercover Boss for my favorite skit of the night. I can’t even tell you - I had literal tears running down my face I was laughing SO fucking hard during this entire thing. From the first moment we heard Adam’s deep-ass voice I absolutely and entirely lost my shit oh my GOD. We’d been so pumped for Adam in some kind of rap sketch when we saw the photos of him and Kenan filming the day before, but it was SO FUCKING GOOD. I will never ever in all my days not bust out laughing at “Bring that ass here” and “In a 65 hour lane going 2” aksnskns I’m on the bus struggling to fight back laughter just thinking about it SEND HELP!!!

It’s just brilliant. The turtle next to his expensive loafers. His cheesy sunglasses. That shot of his glorious bare arms. His deep voice “Baby” when they’re at the door and “But I brought ice cream” oh my god I love it so much BLESS YOU SNL BLESS YOU. I never in all my days thought I’d get Adam rapping but it’s every single thing I never knew I needed.

Del Taco Commercial / “Aw Man I’m All Outta Cash!”

ADAM’S SLEAZY LOOKING LONG WIG LMAO. This one was a wild and funny time once you got into it and just let it go. Once Kyle, Beck, and Adam were all yelling the line and Adam went “You don’t want to kill yourself, you just want a taco, Jesus” everyone was ROLLING. I think the only difference (is this even worth color coding lol) was that after Kyle took his pants off Adam kept slapping his thigh during Dress bahaha.

“Hot Dad” Adam dealing with a clogged toilet at a teenaged girls’ sleepover

Adam and Kate McKinnon comedy together YES PLEASE. This one was all the same as far as I can remember, but I will say that a woop/cheer rose from the people sitting near the set for this one at the line about Adam being a “hot Dad.” Yep sounds about right.

(Halsey’s first song, Weekend Update)

Medieval Renaissance Fair

You can’t have Adam host SNL without giving him some ridiculous character skit ala Oil Baron Parnassus. I absolutely loved how intense and deep he was for this kind of nonsense xD We can thank this skit for giving us footage of Adam yelling “Whore!” and spitting, lmao. Also.... I’ll just say in that outfit and wig he looked even Extra Big in comparison to everyone around him.

Courtroom Trial / Sinbad on Cameo

I’m also okay with this one being cut, but I was biased to enjoy the hell out of it live because the set was right in front of where I was sitting and I had such a perfect view of him. <3

Adam was supposed to be the defendant in a case where a female coworker claims he harassed her by sending “threatening” videos. Adam goes up on the stand and the prosecutor asks “are you familiar with these videos?” Cut over to Kenan Thompson, who’s pretending to be Sinbad on the app Cameo, making videos for the woman that are like “Hey you better give Mark a chance! Otherwise he might come after you!” Adam responds with disbelief: “I have no idea who this Sinbad person is and frankly, your honor, this is pissing me off.” Kenan acts a few more videos which keep getting funnier because he keeps eating things or being in crowded public places while filming them. But in the final video he references Adam’s character’s name so it’s clear he was the one requesting the videos. Adam gets all sad on the stand: “It doesn’t matter. No one likes me anyway!” It ends with Kenan as Sinbad crashing into the courtroom in person.

This was more Kenan’s skit as he really was hilarious, but someone had to explain to me afterwards who Sinbad is and how the Cameo app works so I didn’t quite ~get it while watching. BUT more importantly - Adam looked great despite the weird brown wig he had on. During the second of Kenan’s videos when the cameras were on Kenan instead, Adam’s face definitely started quivering with suppressed laughter until he visibly locked it down like NO FOCUS ADAM. Most of my attention stayed fixed on the buttons of his shirt because hOOo boy were they straining! Without me even saying anything, Catherine reached across the aisle for me immediately afterwards and whispered, “That shirt did /not/ fit well.” OH YES I NOTICED >:33

PBS Science Show

Another one which was performed right directly in front of us!! I already knew this was going to be a good one because Adam went right over to the skeleton mannequin when he came on set and started playing with it, like making the arm and wrist wiggle around. The biggest dork cutie you’ll ever see.

He was standing right under me, which meant once he started handling the balloon I got mighty distracted watching his MASSIVE hands around that tiny-looking balloon. >:)) Then I cracked up so hard when he got exasperated and threw something back against the window. WE GOT TO SEE HIM SMASH SOMETHING IN PERSON YESSSS

Ketchup bottles

Oh my GOD EVERYTHING WAS AMAZING ABOUT THIS ONE FROM START TO FINISH. The best part though might have been the prep beforehand. Someone carried the giant Ketchup and hot sauce bottles onto the set before the actors came on and we were like wtf? (For a minute I was triggered remembering Kanye coming on in his Perrier bottle during the 2018 show) But THEN Adam and Cecily Strong came on in big red shirts and people started lifting the giant plastic bottles over them and LOL we realized where this was going. They definitely struggled for a minute getting Adam’s bottle up over his head because of his height xD People in the audience were already laughing just watching this costume set up, and once Adam got the bottle on a WOOT cheer rose which I later learned was none other than @reylonly aka my hero. It was followed by someone yelling “THATS HOT”, which akndosjan made Adam laugh and raise his arms with a hilarious little shimmy in the bottle. He really seemed to be enjoying himself during the whole show, but during this ridiculous and incredibly hilarious skit especially so.

Game Night / Movie Quote Competition

OKAY this is the skit it’s a real tragedy didn’t make it on air! There were lines in this I couldn’t beLiEvE my ears were hearing, and if we ever get a recording I’m pretty sure the fandom would basically implode. 

Three couples are sitting around a living room having a game night. Adam is sitting with Kate McKinnon with his arm around her. After they finish playing Settlers of Catan, Heidi Gardner suggests they play a movie quote game where one of them says a line from a movie and the rest have to guess the movie. She is clearly very into it, and the others reluctantly agree. It quickly becomes clear that Adam is just as good at the game as she is, and they immediately start becoming competitive. They reach the point where they quote three lines from Captain Phillips in a row, trying to trick each other. As the game gets more heated, they exchange aggressive flirty banter such as:

Heidi: You really know your movie quotes, huh? Adam: Yeah I do. Heidi: And with some BDE over there. Adam: Yeah, I got that too.

AND !!!!!!!!!!

Heidi: You’re quite the movie flick daddy. Adam: I’m the world’s biggest flick daddy.

!!!!!!!!! HE CALLED HIMSELF A DADDY HELP CALL 911 EMERGENCY !!!!!!!!!!

The game keeps escalating until Kate tries to calm Adam down and he brushes her off. Everyone else tries to tell Heidi to relax, and she responds “What?! I’m supposed to lie back and let (Kate’s character’s name)’s hot husband rail me??”

I WAS FLOATING ON THE CEILING BY THIS POINT, I literally couldn’t believe what my ears were hearing alsdfjsldafjlsdkfj!

It gets to the point where they’re both standing, shouting completely vague snippets of lines at each other while the other continues to guess correctly. Until finally Adam exclaims, “I got a good one!” He grabs her and fULL ON kisses her. 

(Pictures from The Adam Driver Files twitter.)

Immediately afterwards she goes, “I know! That was the kiss from (Movie X - I can’t remember the exact title).” Adam: “HOW DID YOU KNOW?!” Heidi: “From how you moved your tongue!”

I’m still reeling from this one. Adam calling himself a daddy, talk of “getting railed” by him, and intense kissing?! Oh my lORDDDD. I’m still trying to keep it playing on a loop in my ears. I’m not sure if we as a fandom could collectively survive a full video of this, but GOD I hope we get the chance to test ourselves. RELEASE THE UNAIRED VIDEO, YOU NBC COWARDS!!!

FLICK DADDY INDEED

...Aaaaaaand that was a wrap! After 10 skits and nearly 2.5 hours, it literally felt like I had run a marathon at a full sprint. I was just trying to process everything I’d just witnessed, while trying to focus on committing every single thing to memory. I just couldn’t believe the range of amazing and hilarious things I’d just seen Adam doing: Play a talking ketchup bottle, call himself a daddy, awkwardly talk about feminine products clogging his toilet, yell “WHORE” then spit and swing a medieval mace around, rap hilariously, and yell about umami?? It was all almost TOO MUCH. 

For full-circle and emotional fulfillment reasons, I wore my Save Ben Solo shirt to the show just like I did at the 2018 show. I had debated beforehand whether it would be too bittersweet to wear it after TROS, but now I’m so glad I did. All these hilarious and zany skits were just what we all needed to continue the cycle of fandom excitement and positivity despite the last month. I’m so incredibly grateful to SNL for such great material for Adam to work with and us to laugh at, and for giving us the perfect reminder that there’s still so much to whole-heartedly appreciate and love. Most of all, Adam himself. <3

THANK YOU SNL AND ADAM FOR ANOTHER LIFE-HIGHLIGHT WEEKEND! <3

[tvmoviechristmas]

This Might As Well Happen: A Comprehensive Diary of Christmas Con

In early October, I was discussing the upcoming BravoCon, a celebration of Bravolebrities with my baby sister, Kerri, who was shocked nobody in my family wanted to go. I was trying to explain to her that it was both super popular and super expensive, when suddenly she interrupted with an idea.

“You know what would be crazy,” Kerri announces, “What if Hallmark had a convention? Hallmark Con! Would you go?”

"Kerri, they would hold Christmas Con in like Missouri, where Hallmark headquarters are,” I noted pretty quickly, “And I’m not paying to get a plane ticket to pay to see Lacey Chabert in passing. I’m not taking the time off work for that trip, that’s insane.”

“But it would match your brand!” she exclaimed, “You love Hallmark!”

“I don’t love Hallmark enough to get on a plane, but it probably won’t happen for years anyway.”

A week later Christmas Con was announced. It was taking place fifteen minutes away from where I live. For a second, I genuinely believed the universe had the ability to fuck with us personally.

--

The idea of buying a ticket for Christmas Con was a passing idea in my head, but it was not an item that was on the top of my to-do list because I had tons of other things to worry about. I was working full-time and taking certificate classes at night. I was in the middle of moving apartments and trying to sort through. organize and pack all the stuff. I was desperately trying to get my older sister to answer my texts about whether or not the facial stabbing that occurred in It: Chapter Two was handled realistically because she is a doctor and why become a doctor if not to answer my questions about injuries in pop culture? 

Things were crazy, and Christmas Con was just not a priority. I figured I had time to decide if I really wanted to go anyway. Christmas Con would not have that much of a demand, right?

Wrong. Christmas Con sold out in minutes. I figured I could potentially shoot my shot on obtaining a press pass (I do have three fans and a write-up in the Chicago Tribune!), but once again, I was like “this can wait for a couple of days”. There were other things to do! 

It could not wait for my sister, Kerri, though. There was nothing she wanted more than for me to go to Christmas Con. So she went on Instagram and DMed them questions about how to get a press pass before sending me what felt like a billion texts on how she promised the Christmas Con organizers that I was going to send them an e-mail to get a press pass that day and that she was going to pray that I get one because it was my destiny because it was fifteen minutes away and I run a made-for-TV Christmas movie blog. Do you want to fight destiny, Kace? Do you?

I guess I did not. So I e-mailed in my request, was somehow approved for a media pass, and subsequently lied to a billion people about what my plans for the weekend of November 8th were because nobody I worked with needed to know I was going to Christmas Con.

But that’s where I was going. As Kerri told me, “you’re a Christmas movie expert! That’s where you are supposed to be!”

--

FRIDAY

4:08 PM - According to the last minute e-mail I received from the Christmas Con organizers, the convention is supposed to open to the media at 4:30 PM. However, one of my two talents is getting hopelessly lost going anywhere, so I leave my apartment at around 3:40 PM and arrive at the convention around 4:00 PM. The parking lot looks deserted when I arrive and I briefly wonder if I am  at the right location, but then I spot some ladies seemingly tailgating the event in winter wear. This spectacle gives me the inkling that I am probably close to where I am supposed to be.

I figure that I might as well enter the con sign-in area a little earlier because I have a vague worry that the media line might be messy; however, the process of checking in is generally quick and painless. It probably helps that there was absolutely no line whatsoever. Even though I am terrified that someone to tell me that they made a mistake and it is ludicrous that a tumblr blog is getting a press pass to anything, I am actually given a media badge and waved into the hall.

I check my phone. It is only 4:08 PM. Immediately, I am frightened at the prospect that some security guard is going to yell at me for being in the convention area early, but after taking a deep breath I just decided to roll with it. It’s Christmas Con! We are all supposed to love each other! That’s the Hallmark way!

As I walk into the convention center, “Sleigh Ride” begins to blast on the sound system. Since “Sleigh Ride” is my least favorite Christmas song, my guard is immediately raised. Hopefully, the music choice is not a harbinger of bad things to come at Christmas Con.

4:25 PM -  I decide to mill about in the empty autograph area to get an idea of what Hallmark “celebrities” are going to be signing at the event. While attempting to get a picture of an Erin Krakow banner, I hear a door burst open and someone shouting “Lace! Lace! Lace!” from behind me.

Immediately, I become paranoid, scared that some con organizer is yelling “Kace! Kace! Kace!” because they know I am not supposed to be in the autograph area before the place opens. Maybe they also read my blog, and realized that maybe they do not want someone who doesn’t fully buy into Hallmark’s conservative message roaming around their event.

After ten excruciating seconds, my brain clicks back into place and I turn around to realize that it is just Jonathan Bennett having a dramatic Mean Girls reunion with Lacey Chabert before the event starts. Sometimes sneaking into areas you shouldn’t be in is worth it, even if it does spike your anxiety. That’s how you get exclusive content.

4:31 PM - As the clock hits 4:30 PM and the VIP pass holders storm in, I become a little more comfortable at the notion of hanging around Christmas Con and start to roam around the hall. The vendor area is a lot smaller than I expected and I did not expect it to be all that big in the first place. In total, there are about  20 booths set up, and a solid chunk of them aren’t even selling anything. The items that are being sold in the hall are not exactly what I expected either. One vendor is selling what seems to be a bunch of top hats. Another is selling cooking sauces. Surprisingly, there are only a couple of vendors actually selling Christmas decorations. Earlier in the week I had withdrawn cash from the bank with the idea that I might be able to buy something while I was at Christmas Con, but *spoiler alert* my cash balance stays the same throughout the entire three days of the event.

The centerpiece of the vendor area is a photobooth set up by Hallmark where you can take various kitschy pictures (in a snowglobe! by a fireplace!) while muted advertisements for their upcoming original movie slate and streaming service play in the background. It also is an area where you can look at a hilarious collection of framed screenshots and promotional photos of Hallmark’s crop of “celebrities”, which is my personal favorite part of the experience. Nothing says Christmas like a framed photo of Candace Cameron Bure peeking around a door!

4:43 PM -  As the convention starts to warm up, a lot of the “celebrities” are just walking around the vendor area . Nikki DeLoach jumps into a snowglobe picture with some random fans. Holly Robinson Peete films the Hallmark booth on her phone, while Rachel Boston tries to take a picture of the giant Christmas Con banner hanging over the autograph area. I am sure that this is the part of the experience is supposed to make the VIP experience worth it. You pay a lot of money to come in a half hour early, and maybe a Hallmark “celebrity” will walk by you as you take a picture holding a “I Love Hallmark Movies!” pillow.

5:12 PM -  The crowd starts to pour into the vendor hall as Christmas Con officially opens to the public and I instantly become a little scared. The Christmas Con crowd is not my crowd. I watch made-for-TV Christmas movies for the snark. They watch made-for-TV Christmas movies for the sentiment. I was genuinely dismayed when my mom bought me a Hallmark movie sweatshirt. They were theirs with pride. I get hives at the idea of paying money to take a selfie with anyone. They are all here to wait in line to take pictures with Lacey Chabert. Their idea of Hallmark-based small talk is discussing with each other how glad they are that Alicia Witt is here because they loved A Very Merry Mix-Up. My idea of of Hallmark-based small talk is ranting about how It: Chapter 2 could air on Hallmark if you really wanted it to. The plotlines are similar!

No, seriously! A woman in her early 40s, successful in her career but with the Wrong Guy, returns to her hometown after a tragic event to settle unfinished business. There she meets a friend from her childhood (played by a blandly attractive CW actor) who has been in love with her all along, and whose entire character is based around this love. He works with his hands and can build things! There are some missteps but eventually they kiss once and live happily ever after. On the sidelines,t here is a black friend mainly there to provide exposition and a gay friend who the writers aren’t really explicit about being gay. You put in some snow in the background and you can air it on Hallmark on Christmas Eve! It is uncanny!

Nobody at Christmas Con would care though, so I figure that this would be the time to check out the empty panel area. Right in front of the panel stage are a bunch of entries for a gingerbread house decorating contest that was being held on Sunday.

Yeah, the Christmas Con people are not my crowd.

5:30 PM - “Sleigh Ride” plays for the second time and I begin to think that maybe Christmas Con is against me.

5:51 PM - A lady sits down next to me in the panel area, which is still basically deserted. “Did you expect there to be more?” she asks me.

I flash my media badge at her. “Honestly, I didn’t pay for this so I can’t be disappointed.”

“I’m just happy I didn’t fly in from North Carolina for this because that would feel like a real waste.”

I just hum noncommittally in response.

5:57 PM - “There’s no bad Hallmark movie!” I overhear a woman telling a reporter. 

Well, that person isn’t reading my blog.

6:07 PM - Christmas Con is supposed to officially start with a tree lighting ceremony. The crowd gathers around in tree in the autograph area to see the event, but for the most part all you can see is people trying to take pictures.

Santa comes out with little fanfare and no announcement. It is a stark difference to Jonathan Bennett, who comes in with a huge announcement that includes a list of all of his credentials (there aren’t many, he’s only been in one Hallmark movie). According to the Christmas Con materials, he is hosting the event. I am not exactly sure what that means but apparently it involves him leading the crowd in a call-and-response version of “Deck the Halls”. 

“It’s what this is all about!” he tells the crowd after they oblige him. 

After that bit of hyping, Bennett decides to introduce the true star of the convention and so-called “Queen of Christmas”, Lacey Chabert. They do not waste any time after she is brought out and they light the tree. It’s hard to feel magical about all of this because it is impossible to see.

Bennett’s hosting tells me that we’re having a good time though. “Hey Santa,” he asks, “Did you know New Jersey could be so much fun??”

6:51 PM - After the tree lighting ceremony, I go back to the panel area to finish my soda before bouncing. My escape plans are dashed by a staff worker promises me that they are going to start the trivia game soon. I did not ask her if it was, but I feel obligated to stay now so to not disappoint her.

7:01 PM - Before the trivia game starts I glance at the stage and realize that one of the podcasters is livestreaming the room to their Instagram feeds.

“Oh fuck,” I mutter to myself, “Are they taking a picture of us?” 

“Yes, they want to see how bored we are,” the lady sitting next to me responds.

7:06 PM - The trivia game starts about fifteen minutes after the staffer promised me it would. It promises to be full of talent from “smash hit Hallmark podcasts”, a concept that sounds fake to me but is real enough to Christmas Con.

I make it about fifteen minutes in before I realize that watching other people answer “True or False” questions about Christmas isn’t incredibly fun when you don’t care all that much about the Christmas holiday itself. So I decide to duck out, hoping I don’t look like a complete jackass for doing so.

7:30 PM - Before I leave for the night, I take a lap around the autograph area to see how its going. It is going incredibly well for Lacey Chabert who has a line so long that the convention organizers announce that she will be staying 45 minutes after the event closes for the night. Only Lacey Chabert is making that courtesy though, which seems fair because nobody else is commanding much of a line.

In terms of bang for your buck, meeting up with “celebrity” who is not Lacey Chabert seems like the smart choice. The other guests seem to be having somewhat long conversations with the one or two people waiting in line for them, and if conventions like these are feeling like you are close to celebrities, isn’t that the experience you want?

A part of me feels guilty that these “celebrities” are just sitting around not doing much of anything, and it almost made me want to spend money on meeting them just so they would have something to do. Then I think about it for three seconds, and remember that 1) I hate meeting “celebrities” and 2) I do not make enough to justify spending money on lifting the self-esteem of “celebrity” strangers. So I leave that idea behind and leave the building for the night.

—

SATURDAY

11:30 AM - My Saturday morning class lets out early, so I make it to the convention center about an hour earlier than expected. It is much more crowded today. I’m assuming it’s because there is going to be more to do aside from watching a crowd watch a tree light up. My plan is to just park myself in the panel room all day.

I ask a staffer where media is supposed to line-up for panels. She tells me she has no idea, but she will ask and let me know shortly. She leaves and I watch her talk to people for a couple of minutes. She doesn’t turn around. I keep waiting and waiting before I realize that she is never coming back. I wasn’t getting answers, but I settle for buying a $6.00 cappuccino instead. I’ll figure it out.

11:42 AM - The first panel of the day is billed as a reunion of former All My Children stars Melissa Claire Egan and Cameron Mathison. I find myself sitting next to a family who are very excited at this prospect.

“We are going to be breathing the same air Cameron Mathison is,” the teen girl cries in excitement to a woman I would assume is her mother.

 “In a way, we already are,” the possible mother excitedly whispers back.

As they continue to vibrate in excitement, “Sleigh Ride” plays in the convention center for the third time and I groan to myself. At least someone’s happy.

11:56 AM - Cameron Mathison has been spotted by the family and excitement abounds, but not for his shirt. 

“Shouldn’t he be festive?” the possible mother asks about his all black ensemble.

“Well, he has to take a lot of pictures.” the teen notes back.

12:05 PM - All of the panels are hosted by the co-hosts of Bubbly Sesh, Hallmark’s official podcast. They bounce on to the stage before telling the crowd how excited they are to be there.

“We are with our tribe. Our team. A room full of Hallmark fans!” they say to a crowd of cheers.

I also cheer. Mainly, because I finally got the Wi-Fi to work on my laptop after a half hour of fruitless efforts to maintain a connection. But they don’t need to know that.

12:07 PM - I learn a lot about Cameron Mathison during the first few minutes of his panel. Apparently, he is the new host of Hallmark’s Home & Family talk show. He also was diagnosed with cancer in the past year, but is now in remission. And he is the apparent “king” of Hallmark Christmas movies, according to the BubblySesh podcast hosts, but that last fact seems debatable to me.

Mathison also claims during the panel that starring in The Christmas Club, an upcoming Hallmark holiday movie, is what made him realize that he needed to push his doctor for a cancer diagnosis. So Hallmark can apparently save lives. 

12:14 PM - Before the Q&A starts, the BubblySesh podcast hosts tell the audience to keep the questions free of the “nitty gritty”. The want everyone to stick to Christmas and  careers! It’s a real bummer because it means I have to scrap my plans to ask everyone what would happen if you got stabbed in the cheek, as that would probably be too gritty.

The Q&A stays relatively tame throughout. The most exciting it gets is when an audience member brings up the idea of doing a Hallmark All-Stars movie. The lady sitting next to me is excited about that concept! I wonder if Hallmark would have the budget to pull off a Love, Actually. I doubt it.

Every panel wraps up with the BubblySesh announcing that “it’s time for the BubblySesh Pop Culture Quiz!!!”. This quiz is less of a quiz and more just general Christmas based questions with a grating announcement beforehand. This announcement would become more grating every time I heard it (and it was at nearly every panel). At the time though, I wasn’t aware how haunted I would be by this “game”. It was still early in the day.

1:07 PM - Next up on the day’s schedule is a scarcely attended panel about Christmas podcasts, a podcast genre that is apparently more bustling than I would have ever expected. All the panelists (of which there are way too many) are enthusiastic about how well their podcasts are doing and give the crowd advice on how to start their own because, as they say,  you can never have too many Christmas podcasts. 

I never expected to get a motivational speech about how I could start a Christmas podcast if only I believed in myself, but then again I never expected to be at Christmas Con.

2:10 PM - The marquee panel of Christmas Con is up next, which is a Mean Girls reunion featuring Lacey Chabert and Jonathan Bennet. This panel is less of a Hallmark panel and more of a Mean Girls panel, and it takes all of five seconds for “so fetch” to be referenced.

The most Mean Girls detail of the panel though is how Jonathan Bennett latches on to Lacey Chabert. He spends the entire panel looking for every opportunity to compliment “Lacey Chabert”, and he always uses her full name. 

“Everyone on the Mean Girls set was constantly cracking up because Lacey Chabert was so funny.” 

“Lacey Chabert cooked everyone a Thanksgiving meal while we were shooting Mean Girls, and she is a great cook!”

“Lacey Chabert is the sweetest.”  

I half wait for him to announce how one time Lacey Chabert punched him in the face, and it was awesome. I have no idea why he thinks this hypeman routine is necessary, since Lacey Chabert has been commanding the longest autograph lines by a sizable margin and the hardest question she gets from the audience is “Why are you so nice?” I do wish I had a Jonathan Bennett in my life though. It must feel nice to be constantly complimented. I guess that’s why people aim to be the Queen Bee though, isn’t it?

2:32 PM - In what is clearly supposed to be Christmas Con’s buzziest moment, Daniel Franzese, who played Damian in Mean Girls comes up on stage to start delivering candygrams to surprise of the audience and the panel. Lacey Chabert starts to cry, while Jonathan Bennett screams.

After a couple more questions, Bennett tells everyone to take out their phones and begins to perform the opening of the “Jingle Bell Rock” dance to the room. Another potentially buzzy moment from a convention that desperately needs some. 

3:08 PM - Up next is an odd assortment of a panel featuring Nikki DeLoach, Alicia Witt, Holly Robinson Peete and Chad Michael Murray’s southern drawl. The last one confused me because I was pretty sure Chad Michael Murray had not spoken with a pronounced southern drawl before. I text my younger sister, Tara, a noted One Tree Hill fan if he had a drawl on the show and she tells me he did not. So why is he suddenly Southern? He also seems to have a hatred for chairs, and spends a majority of the panel trying to desperately slide off his.

3:23 PM - During the routine question about Christmas traditions, Nikki DeLoach gives an emotional answer about her young son requiring multiple heart surgeries and that her experience in the hospital taught her the importance of charity and giving back to the community during the holiday season.

Somewhat hilariously after that, everyone else on the panel announces that of course they are going to be doing more charity work this holiday season. Are they being genuine? Who can say. But you certainly can’t give a rote answer about how your favorite tradition is decorating the tree after a fellow panelist tears up about her experience giving toilet paper to the less fortunate and how it impacted her life. Nobody wants to look like a jerk.

4:07 PM - The last panel of the day features Jackee and Melissa Joan Hart, and the room is barely empty. As someone would inform me the following day, “it’s because they are more Lifetime than Hallmark Christmas movie stars”.

Lack of Hallmark “celebrities” aside, it is a great capper to the day. Hart provides a decent amount of insight on the made-for-TV movie making process, and Jackee is just a fun personality to watch.

The panel concludes with someone asking what’s a fun fact that someone wouldn’t know about them. Jackee answers that she is still having sex.

Good for her. It is a solid note to end the day on, as I decide to skip out on the upcoming Ugly Sweater Contest to go back home. Six hours of Christmas Con is enough Christmas Con for the day.

—

SUNDAY

8:31 AM - Early in the morning, there is a press line available for the media to attend if they have any questions for the Hallmark “celebrities”. I decide to skip that because the only question I need answers to is what happens when you get stabbed in the cheek (my older sister still has not gotten back to me on that), and I don’t think anyone who stars in a Christmas movie is going to have a satisfactory answer.

As I lay in bed, I briefly consider not going back to Christmas Con at all, but then I finally get a response from the super about the cockroach I found in my bedroom the night before. Turns out they are bugbombing the place, and I need to be out of the apartment for five hours. 

So back to Christmas Con I go.

10:30 AM - Christmas Con Day 3 is a weird place. Lacey Chabert is no longer the celebrity commanding the longest line, because former General Hospital star Ryan Paevey is there and his line is an hour and a half long. I am informed it is because he is hot. 

Even stranger is the fact that there is a twenty minute line to get a picture with a snowman balloon. I know there’s not much to do at Christmas Con but that seemed to be pushing the bounds of reason to me. But I suppose these are the new rules of Christmas Con.

10:52 AM - The people in the VIP line for the Danica McKellar and Rachel Boston panel are give me a rundown of how the autograph queue works. 

“You have to have your priorities in order!” they tell me before explaining that they got to the con at 9 AM to make sure to get their photo with Ryan Paevey. “He’s so handsome!!!”

They also explain that they find their VIP passes useful in snagging all the autographs their hearts desire. I say that that’s good because the VIP access the media badge allows me to have just seems useless for panels, which have never reached capacity. 

“Yes, they have!” a lady tells me, “There are always people hanging out back past the barrier trying to look in!”

I don’t have the heart to inform her that those people are just in line waiting for food and that as someone who has attended every single panel, I have always noticed empty seats. 

Later on in the conversation, I try to express concern that some of the panels have been too random a selection of “celebrities” who have no chemistry with each other and make for an awkward time. The group disagrees with my assessment. 

“Actually, they are all great friends. Did you not hear Jonathan Bennett call it Christmas Camp earlier? Do you follow him on Instagram? He’s been playing pranks on Lacey Chabert! It’s hilarious!”

Have I said that Christmas Con is not my crowd?

11:02 AM - Before the panels for the day start, “Sleigh Ride” plays for the fourth time. Apparently, no Christmas Con day can start without it.

11:16 AM - The panel line-up for the day starts with a panel with Danica McKellar and Rachel Boston. Someone informs them that they always have chemistry with their leading men, a fact which is news to me, a person who watched both McKellar act through one of the worst on screen kisses of all time in one of her June Wedding movies and Boston *mwah* her way through Ice Sculpture Christmas. 

“We have kissed most of the men here,” Boston noted in response before listing the con guests she’s done movies with throughout her time on Hallmark. There’s one person she realizes that she and McKellar have yet to kiss though. “Not Ryan Paevey.” 

“He’s next!” McKellar decides. That gets a decent response from the crowd, because he’s good looking!

11:48 AM -  “Sleigh Ride” starts up again as the panel closes. It has now played five times, which is five times too many in my opinion.

11:59 AM - The people sitting behind me at the writer’s panel are already preparing for next year’s Christmas Con. It goes to show you that not everyone hates being here. It’s a mixed response!

The writer’s panel is probably one of the more interesting ones because it’s one of the few about the process of creating made-for-TV Christmas movies. Of course, it means that barely anybody is there.

The few of us who manage to attend the panel have the chance to snag a “I Love Hallmark Christmas Movies” wristband from one of the writers. She gives me two. 

1:49 PM - After the writer’s panel is supposed to be the gingerbread contest judging, which I figure is a good enough time to take one last lap around the vendor hall. 

Ryan Paevey is still commanding an hour and a half line for autographs, but thankfully people are no longer waiting to take a picture with a balloon snowman. The booth selling Christmas romance novels has gone out of stock, but they give me their last advertising card. The outside world has discovered that nobody is monitoring the screen that displays #ChristmasCon2019 tweets so I spend a few minutes watching the spam tweets they are sending it’s way. It’s beginning to look a lot like Jeffrey Epstein was murdered here on the Christmas Con big screen!

One booth is trying to sell one of the “I Love Hallmark Christmas Movies!” wristbands for two dollars each, which is a total scam because other booths are giving them away for free. So I step in and give one of the ones I got at the writer’s panel to the elderly woman who is about to buy one. Those vendors probably do not like me, but I did not come to Christmas Con to make friends. I came to escape my bugbombed apartment. 

Speaking of, I am desperate to go home but a phone call informs me that I can’t go home until 4:00 PM. Two more hours of Christmas Con for me it is.

2:06 PM - After the gingerbread contest, but before the start of the When Calls the Heart panel a bell choir, who is not on the schedule, randomly performs. As I sit there wishing my apartment was bugfree so I could sleep in it, I hear loud and raucous cheers start up. I turn to the person next to me and ask if they know where the noise is coming from, and they tell me that there is a wine glass convention happening next door.

As the party at the wine glass convention seems to rage on,  I wonder if that’s where I should be instead. It would certainly keep me awake, and well, I broke some of my wine glasses during my move. It could be helpful!

2:18 PM - The When Calls the Heart panel is incredibly confusing to sit through for many reasons. First of all, I don’t watch the show, so every plot point mentioned just leaves me nodding as I try to pretend I am an avid viewer who cares. Second of all, I keep zoning out and zoning back in to the panel and every time I do it, something weird seems to be happening. Sometimes Paul Greene is trying to lead a sing-a-long of “White Christmas”. Sometimes Jack Wagner is wondering what the plot of When Calls the Heart actually is.

The most confusing aspect of the panel though is Greene’s button situation. Apparently, he thought that Christmas Con was the place to forget to button up. Maybe he’s trying to keep up with Ryan Paevey. Did you hear that he’s hot?

3:07 PM - The final panel of the event is the alleged “Hunks of Hallmark” panel. However, it is announced that Ryan Paevey is too hunky to be there, because he has a seemingly endless autograph queue and that’s where the real convention money is anyway. So we have to settle for Jesse Metcalfe and Andrew Walker, who has just arrived from JuiceCon. This fact delights the Q&Aers, and in what is supposed to be a hilarious bit we are all in on, everyone brings up the fact that Andrew Walker has a juice business when they come to the microphone.

At this juncture, I feel like a kid sitting in their final class of the day waiting for the bell to ring. Sure, we might be having fun bringing up juice all the time, but also it’s time to go home. And after one final joint scream of “It’s time for the BubblySesh Pop Culture Quiz!!!”, we are free to leave.

3:52 PM -  The panel closes and immediately “Sleigh Ride” queues up for the sixth time of the convention. If ever there was a sign for me to go home, it is that.

3:59 PM - As I drive the fifteen minutes back to my apartment, I call my mother. She asks me if I had fun at Christmas Con, and I genuinely don’t know how to answer.

“It was a thing that I did,” I ramble. “It was an experience. I think I would have been mad if I paid for any part of it or if I had to travel further than fifteen minutes. But I didn’t. And even the parking was free, so all I lost is time, which doesn’t account for much really, I guess.. And well, it’s a story. Plus, it’s my brand.”

And who am I to deny a universe that wants me to live up to my brand in new weird, free-to-me ways? If Christmas Con was good for anything, I guess it was that.

[firesoulstuff]

In what order would you rank the DCTV shows, from worst to best?

Ok, keep in mind I do love all the DCTV shows, but ranking from worst to best:

- Arrow

To be honest, I still haven’t seen the last three or four episodes of season 7. Arrow was never my favorite show, I tried watching it when it first started but stopped after two episodes, I just didn’t like it. Then, when Flash was coming out, that’s what made me watch Arrow, because I didn’t know how connected they would be and I wanted to understand everything. I really started liking Arrow I think maybe halfway through season 1, and that lasted until about season 4, though I was still watching. Season 5 was great in my opinion, and then season 6 and 7 just went downhill for me. The last episode I saw was the Birds of Prey episode, which Siren left at the end at, and while I know Katie Cassidy is confirmed for season 8, I still haven’t caught up, just because Siren is really the only character on that show I actually still care about, and I can’t bring myself to get excited about episodes she’s not in because I just can’t bring myself to care.

- Supergirl

I love Supergirl! I really, really do! I love all the characters and think they do a really good job of balancing comedy with tragedy. The only reason I’m listing it as number three is because there are SO many plot lines that end up going unresolved. For starters, there are some ENTIRE characters who have just vanished from existence in the show. I get there were a lot of practicalities involved when the show moved from CBS to The CW, moving filming from LA to Vancouver, it makes sense not everyone could go along for the ride. But there were three major characters in Season 1 (and that’s just off the top of my head) who haven’t even been MENTIONED since. Lucy Lane. General Eiling. Maxwell Lord. They all just dropped off the face of the show. Maxwell Lord I am particularly upset about, because his and Alex’s chemistry was so good! Yes, it has since been revealed that Alex is a lesbian, but I would still love to see them as friends! I think it would be really good for Alex to have just one friend, other than a romantic interest, outside of Kara. Plus the whole storyline of Alex wanting kids (which was only introduced as a write off for Maggie) is just kept on the back burner all the time for whenever it’s convenient for the plot, which is almost never. Not to mention Kara and Winn were made out to be such good friends in Season 1, but afterwards it started to feel like they barely knew each other. Ok, I’ve ranted enough here.

-Legends

I know, I write so much Legends fic it should be number one. I do love Legends, SO much. I love all the characters, I love the storylines, the pure batshit insanity, it’s amazing. But I also think they could take some pointers from Supergirl in balancing comedy with tragedy. Legends is all about a group of people, who for one reason or another, are not ok, and all of them ran away from their problems. It’s because of that, that when deep trauma’s happen, they just ignore and refuse to process them. Leonard Snart died, but he’s never talked about, there was no funeral, for crying out loud the team didn’t even tell their friends back home. The two people closest two him, Sara and Mick, what did they do? Sara hooked up with any and every woman she could throughout history, and Mick started drinking. A lot. Ray’s parents and brother, along with most of the world, STILL thinks he’s dead. Now, it’s weird to say, but growing up in school I was in a “special learning room” we’ll call it, and The Waverider kind of reminds me of that room. We were the kids who looked normal, who looked like everybody else, but our brains weren’t wired right and we all needed help for that, only nobody could REALLY help us, that was on us. Most days we did just ignore our problems, they weren’t worth examining. But there were some days, either in class or in private (usually private), where one of us just broke. That’s what Legends needs. Every once in awhile, someone needs to remember all it is they’re running away from, and just break.

-Flash

Ok, Flash is my number one because of all the shows, I feel it has been the most consistent since the beginning. The characters all fit so nicely together, and they’ve all been able to grow naturally since Season 1. I think really the only thing that’s changed in the show’s structure, is after Julian they stopped forcing Caitlin into a love story each season, and I think that was for the best. Ralph was a hard sell on me at first, but he’s growing on me, though there have been times where he’s gone for three episodes at a time and I legit don’t notice anyone missing until he comes back. But every villain has felt like they fit, and they do such a good job of balancing everything!

Ok, I ranted for far too long about this. I am so sorry.

[rogerlad]

The City of Rose & Sun: A Roger Taylor Fan Fiction

A/N: I haven’t written an Imagine/ Fan Fiction since I was in high school lol. I didn’t want to change the theme of my main account so I created this one for Imagines. Hope you enjoy! 

Summary: Rose has always been close with the May family, growing up on the same street as Brian, you quickly bonded over the fact that neither of you had siblings to play with. It was a life-long friendship that carried on throughout college, to now. With Brian becoming a rock legend, you knew all the band of course. You had become close enough to call them friends, at least you thought you had been just friends. Until now. 

The City of Rose & Sun: Part One

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Brian please.” You begged, holding the newspaper in your hand tightly. A new movie was premiering at the cinema tonight, and you were dying to see it.

“Rosanna, I’m not going to watch some lovey-dovey movie with you. How about... the new Star Wars film!” A wide smile plastered across his face. You felt defeated, knowing you could never reject your best friend, and it was far easier to sulk and agree, then to continue arguing.

“Fine.” You grumble, “But just us? Don’t get me wrong, love the mates, but we haven’t had Brian and Rose time in so long.”

It was true. Since the band was gearing up to go on tour again, which Brian had so kindly invited you to tag along, it was getting insanely harder for you to spend time with your closest friend. When they were recording, you would sit and watch-absolutely mesmerized by all the lads talent. When they were performing, you’d either sit back stage and share a beer with whatever production manager was hanging around, or you’d wait in the crowd of people. Each show, growing larger and larger. 

Brian shook his head in agreement, before spinning on his heel and returning to the studio. You slumped into the couch next to one of Roger’s bimbos who had chosen to stick around. You could never understand why he subjected himself to floozy after floozy, when in reality he was quite brilliant. He had such a warm and open heart, so kind and gentle, and very, very easy on the eyes.

You quickly snapped yourself out of your daze, realizing you had been eyeing him up during his solo. He had noticed too, shooting you an odd look. You felt your cheeks flush and darted your eyes to Brian, forming a half smile in the process. Internally you were slapping yourself. Roger had been your friend since Bri introduced you, you had always gotten along fine, bickering on occasion, but that was just Rog’s personality. He was always attractive to you, but you would never dare put yourself in a position where he knew that, his ego was large enough as it is. 

“So, are we gonna talk ‘bout it?” His voice startled you as you slung your purse over your shoulder, leaving the studio for the next band to set up.

“I’m lost?” you responded. He smirked at you, tucking a piece of his blonde hair behind his ear.

“Oh, so you weren’t eyeing me up like I was the last candy bar on the shelf?” he chuckled to himself, which made your heart race. You rolled your eyes in response and walked in the other direction as Ash, not Ashley, as she so rudely stated, began to approach Roger. He threw his arm around her shoulder, but you left before you could hear any part of their conversation, not that it would be suitable for the public ear anyhow.

“You were brilliant!” you shrieked as you met Brian’s eyes outside, sliding his guitar case into the back of the van.

“I’m glad you think so, it’s a different sound for us, but I think the fans will approve.” He nodded at his own statement, and you beamed up at him. “you ready to head to the cinema?” he asked, sliding the van door shut.

“Yeah, of c-”

“What are you goin’ to see?” Roger cut you off. You turned in his direction, noticing his toy had abandoned the grounds.

“The new Star Wars film!” You groaned at Brian’s answer, knowing Roger, now empty handed would insist on tagging along.

Of course Brian was too nice to say no to Rog, especially since he was the only member with a vehicle, and that was cheaper than hailing a cab. So after dropping John and Freddie off, who refused to see such a film, the three of you set off for the theatre. You were annoyed, but not enough to let it ruin the some-what-alone-time you had with your friend.

During the entire film, you felt his gaze on you, not once did he even watch the screen. He just took you in. Once in a while, you would glance over at him, causing him to flash you a wicked smile, to which you would roll your eyes. You would not be one of his groupies. You would never let him have the satisfaction.

When the film gad finally ended you all piled back into the van. Brian was dropped off first, and as he was leaving you too his place in the passenger seat, waving your friend off. As Roger pulled off, you suddenly missed the fact that you and Brian were no longer neighbours, since he had gotten his own place. Sure it was a block or so away, but it wasn’t the same. Since you were only working part time at your fathers hard ware store, you opted to stay with your parents until a real career presented itself to you. 

You felt the tension wash over you like a flood on the Nile. You’d ridden alone with Roger before, but this time, it was very different. Almost unnerving.

“So Ashl-Ash, seems nice.” You had to break the silence, it was deafening. Roger chuckled.

“I told her to get lost.” He retorted. You were shocked. Roger would move from girl to girl. but the process was never that bold.

“Why is that?” You pressed, looking at him now.

“She was rude to you.” He shrugged. You pressed your brows together. It was not the reply you had expected from him. His eyes met yours as you came to a red light. Lit by the streets, his eyes were a deep blue, full of danger.

“I mean; she wasn’t that rude.” You said barely a whisper. You noticed you were now fidgeting with your hands. This was so unlike Roger.

“I saw the looks she was giving you, you’re my friend Rose. I’m not going to allow you to be treated like that by some fucking big chested broad.” You could see his grip tighten on the wheel. You swallowed a lump in your throat. Friend. It played in your head over and over. 

“Well, thank you.” You managed to say by the time Rog pulled into your laneway. You fumbled in your purse for you house keys, hands shaking like a nervous wreck.

“Here, I’ll walk you up.” Roger offered, as he slid out his side. Very unlike him, but you didn’t question it. He knew your parents were out of town this weekend, and it was quite late. It was your last weekend in the UK, before everyone was headed to America, and at this point, you weren’t entirely sure how to feel.

“You’re home alone this weekend right?” He asked as you walked up the lane- a longer walk than you remember.

“Well my friend Eleanor was supposed to stay with me, but she bailed since her boyfriend is in town.” You could hear the annoyance in your own voice. It’s not that you were afraid to stay home alone, it’s just that you didn’t enjoy it. You had even lied to Brian and assured him your friend was still going to spend the next two nights with you, as he was a tad protective.

“I can stay...if you’d like?” Roger offered. You felt your stomach do a flip, and cheeks flush. You snorted, trying to play it cool.

“Fat chance, Taylor.” You said rustling your keys.

“Rose no, not like-I’ll stay on the couch, I promise.” The words stung you. Where you not good enough for him? No, he’s just your friend. He’s just being polite. You reminded yourself.

You sighed after a long moment, before pushing open the front door. “Alright then, come on.”

[rassilon-imprimatur]

A Guide to “A Bloody (and Public) Domaine,” my contribution to Faction Paradox: The Book of the Enemy

Faction Paradox: The Book of the Enemy was released by Obverse Books in January 2018 (already over a year ago, sheesh), and it included my first published short story, A Bloody (and Public) Domaine. Last March, Andrew Hickey published  a list of all the references to other stories (Faction, Doctor Who, or otherwise) in his Book of the Enemy story on his blog. Fellow Book of the Enemy contributor and good egg Nate Bumber followed suit with a rundown of references in his wonderful story, and the powerhouse that is Niki Haringsma has done the same with The Book of the Peace. 

I’ve had a fairly rough year beside really struggling to find any merit in my Book of the Enemy and Book of the Peace stories (a writer really is his own worst critic), but finally felt the gumption to dive in! This is a mix of some (not all) of the references in my story, as well as just some general commentary. I’ll be making a similar post for my Book of the Peace and connecting Dossier material next! 

Obviously, spoilers ahead. You should probably have read the story first. If you haven’t and still read through this, please purchase the book, available on the Obverse site! I’m not going through everything, just giving a little bit of commentary.

But first let me say, I will be forever grateful to the book’s editor Simon Bucher-Jones (@thebrakespearevoyage-blog), for taking such a big chance on me with this story, dealing with a rookie like me, and letting me play in his sandbox. An absolute gem of a human being. 

Enjoy!

“The black lessens, crumbles, an Empire sky of temporal red focuses.” A nod to the Eleven-Day Empire and my own assertion of the typical “look” of a Faction alter-time realm, the sky color taken from the Empire’s appearance in the Faction Paradox comic. 

“EXT: THE SHADOW SPIRE... (very Dr. Caligari meets Trying Too Hard).” I’m going to save most of what Auteur and his home Shadow Spire are references to for my Book of the Peace post, but, as a hint, basically picture a crumbling lighthouse as pencilled by the Doctor Who Magazine comic strip legend John Ridgeway... nudge nudge, wink wink. 

Gideon exists as little more than the audience of Auteur’s madness (and to die at the end), but I had fun sketching out this character. He’s a member of the Faction who doesn’t care that he is, a renegade Homeworlder that just had nowhere else to go. I think of all the possible characterizations of various Faction members, the idea of a member of the Houses rushing into the ideology they don’t believe in, embracing the aesthetic because they have no choice, is my favorite. Gideon has more recently received something of a second life in White Canvas by James Wylder. 

This story is set definitively before the Eleven-Day Empire’s destruction in The Faction Paradox Protocols. I felt this was the safer choice given the scope of the full anthology. I went the “definitely after the Eleven-Day Empire’s death” route in my Book of the Peace story.  

“A few Loa, smears of age as twisted as the Spire, swarm the peak like vultures.” Key to Faction Paradox lore and a rather damning example of the Faction’s appropriation of Haitian voodoo, the term “loa” (spirits) refer to the alter-time structures and temporal processes the Faction claim to worship. I have always interpreted them as the familiar gobbledygook we’d hear as “time orbits” or “temporal loops” from the Doct-AHEM-a certain time traveler, but from the Faction’s POV, very much alive. Which POV is accurate? That’s up to you. 

“A phonograph, straight out of Hammer, operating diligently on a shard of glittering sapphire.” Hammer Film Productions’ “Hammer Horror,” naturally. 

“Godfather Morlock’s Personal Record, kept on Phonograph.” Morlock is a major character in Faction lore, appearing in The Book of the War and the BBV Faction Paradox Protocols. He comes across as something of a creepy Victorian taxidermist and scientist, with unknown plans for the Faction and the War. Recording his musings on a phonograph is a reference to Dr. Jack Seward from Bram Stoker’s Dracula. 

Morlock’s account of Vlad the Impaler and the Celestis is all from The Book of the War, an earlier Faction Paradox use of the historic figure that rather interestingly asserts he can’t be Dracula. Believe it or not based on this story, I actually hate when modern Dracula adaptations or remakes try to make him Vlad directly. 

Mention of the Impaler’s “history tangling with the Incremental Effect,” is a reference to the Iris Wildthyme novella The Found World, published in Iris Wildthyme and Friends Investigate, one of my favorite Iris collections. You’ll actually see a lot of crossing with Miss Wildthyme in my stories. I’ve always felt the two series shared a fascinating relationship and rather love what wonderful recontextualization can happen when you view them as partners in crime as opposed to rivals or strangers. 

The “woman in a black dress and porcelain skin” is Lilith, and is, perhaps obviously, Lolita, the true villain of the series. More on her later. 

The timeline Morlock describes, a “What If Dracula Won?” scenario, starts as a soft reference to Kim Newman’s Anno Dracula novels before literally launching into space to become a reference to Hideyuki Kikuchi’s Vampire Hunter D series. 

“They embraced the flesh and blood and were proudly organic, with none of the clinical and pristine mathematics of the Ships of the Great Houses.” A lot of detail is often given to how the Great Houses despise their organic nature, and we know that the enemy have timeships of some fashion if we take Lolita’s word in Lawrence Miles’ Interference-interlude Toy Story as gospel. 

The stuttered “Ghost Point” is the period in the early 21st century where mankind’s limitless potential ground to a halt, effectively killing the advanced civilization humanity should have been. An interestingly important part of the series lore.

“Plus, Morlock can baise lui-même on a candlelit evening.” He can fuck himself. My dear friend Liria has very happily and comfortably let me know that my French is absolutely atrocious. I merely look to The Adventuress of Henrietta Street and hold my head high for maintaining a Faction Paradox tradition. 

I don’t know why the VHS tapes are “crumbling like mouldering Metsovone” because I swear I wrote that they were “crumbling like mortar” when sending my draft in. Either a) Simon has hidden a secret message throughout the entire book, b) I’m losing my mind, changed it and forgot it, or c) I’ve been infected by the either the enemy or the Houses in an attempt to replace my account of things with Grecian dairy. It is a more creative metaphor. 

The “Homeworlder Observer Effect” is just a term given to the Faction Paradox assertion in The Book of the War and The Cosmology of the Spiral Politic that the Great Houses literally force potential into reality by merely observing (while I’m taking cues and terminology from the loose concept scattered throughout the works of Lance Parkin, Kate Orman, and Jon Blum, most notably the unwritten novel Mentor, where an insane Time Lord could literally observe his own will and madness into reality). This plays a major part in my Book of the Peace story as well, so I’ll talk a bit about it there. 

I was a very late addition to the Book of the Enemy’s team, so literally any perceived intelligence and coalescence with my story’s metafictional take on Dracula and the rest of the book’s metafictional take on nearly every example of global literature and imagination is all Simon’s brilliance and the genius of the other contributors. I’ve probably shared a total of three words with anyone else in the book other than Nate. Simon turned all of this into a wonderful, organic unit, and it makes me absolutely proud to be a part, even if I’m still rather embarrassed by my contribution. Give them all the credit! 

“Mina Harker,” the inarguable and objective hero of Stoker’s Dracula. Van Helsing who?

“Brides of Dracula.” Hammer made exactly three good Dracula movies, and this is one of them, despite not actually having Dracula in it. It’s pretty much a feature length “Look How Badass Peter Cushing Is As Van Helsing, Guys.” 

“God’s gaze was nowhere near Bedfordshire that night.” As seen in The Book of the War’s superb take on Dronid (an element of the infamous serial Shada), things that remain unobserved by the Great Houses, either by choice or design, tend to become rather unhappy and miserable places (to put it lightly).

“Not quite the discrete puncture marks of legend” is a line said by Alan Moore’s take on Mina in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. I then realized her crimson scarf could be seen as a reference to the comic as well, but I was actually intending to give a nod to the definitive Edward Gorey illustration. 

“Something cruel, built by invaders of metal and spite, digging too deeply and too greedily into Earth’s crust.” An absolutely subtle and completely obscure reference to another Peter Cushing film. 

“A History wrapped tightly into a coil of absence, locked in the rock and dark of the planet.” No comment other than a friendly reminder that the caldera, the lodestone of the structure of History, is described as an “absence” in The Book of the War, later clarified to be a “singularity” in Lawrence Burton’s Against Nature, invoking familiar thoughts of the mythic Eye of Harmony... 

“The aliens were rejected by that History, blown to smithereens, left to die in the streets and in their echoing control rooms.”

“Because he’s fucking Dracula. He’s not some evil god, or conquering demon. He’s a parasite, torn between trying to leech off society’s elite and building a goddamn harem.” Dracula is absolutely one of the greatest villains in all English literature but he is also absolutely abhorrent and literally every attempt to romanticize or “Badass” him into anything other than a diseased and rotting rapist need to show themselves out. 

“Lilith” again. A terrifying revelation in the Faction Paradox series is that the War between the enemy and the Great Houses is a distraction from the real threat to the universe. Her. This has, naturally, spurred theorizing and discussion over the years about whether or not Lolita created the enemy. That’s naturally what this story is implying, but this story is also a stapled together mess crafted by a mad Homeworlder. Lolita seemed very concerned about the enemy in her first appearance in Toy Story...

My interpretation of my story (and The Book of the Enemy as a whole) is that the enemy has so many identities and timelines and possibilities and metafictional infections that it has nonsense like this written around it as a sort of defense mechanism. Auteur’s bizarre narrative is an identity and story to be used as a drifting shield, a history the Houses could nuke to nothing and still leave the enemy happy and safe to continue Warring.

The “Very Fabric” is a cheeky nod to the “Very Fabric of Time and Space” from the Iris Wildthyme side of the universe, first seen in Paul Magrs’ Mad Dogs and Englishmen. 

“’Yssgaroth,’ she hissed, her tongue sliding through her razor teeth behind her mask, ‘the Taint which boils within you.’” The Yssgaroth first appeared in The Pit and were always meant to be a retcon and redefinition of the vague history and lore of the Vampires seen in 1980′s State of Decay. This approach was massively improved by Interference and The Book of the War (though I still assert Philip Purser-Hallard’s Predating the Predators is probably the definitive take on the bastards). 

“Queen Charlotte” was Lolita’s disguise and historical role in the Faction Paradox Protocols. The audios and other stories such as Hickey’s Head of State (and, I suppose, this one right here) show that Lolita takes on these “acting roles” throughout history. “Lady Waki” at first glance may, understandably, be seen as a misspelling of her role of Lady Wakai from The Book of the War, but “Waki” is actually the term for the antagonist/villain performance in Japanese “Noh” musical theatre. 

The blood of the Earth is the same “green pus” from Inferno, later implied to be the Yssgaroth taint in Interference’s assertion that Earth is built around an Yssgaroth bolthole. So what, is the Earth somehow a link to the centre of History, or an Yssgaroth bolthole? Can it possibly be both? 

Yes. 

“A new kind of History.” The literal definition of the enemy in The Book of the War and Lolita in BBV Faction audios. 

“Not like he has a copyright.” Hence the “Public Domaine” of the title. You are reading the work of a comedic genius. Though, the spelling of “Domaine” was Simon’s idea and I like it much better. 

Biodata looking like silver threads pops up a lot in what I write and I completely blame Kate Orman and Jon Blum’s seminal Unnatural History. That book changes a man. 

And there you have it! I’m still convinced that Simon Bucher-Jones is a wizard, as The Book of the Enemy somehow becoming centered on the idea of the enemy as a meta-fictional infection with dozens upon dozens of cobbled together narratives of myth and fact improves this mess of a story rather drastically, I think. 

[frances-fucking-farmer]

I’ve Had a Broken Heart:

How the revival of Frances Farmer’s story served as a personal revival

During the darkest moments of my life, I discovered the story of Frances Farmer, an actress who was stripped of everything she had known due to her own personal demons. Her complicated narrative is marked by the details of arrests and imprisonment in institutions, but her legacy is much more than that. Almost 90 years have passed since she first made headlines with the controversial essay, “God Dies,” but now I hope to see to it that she is finally making the headline that she never made during her lifetime: one of hope.

The life of Frances Farmer is well-established in the headlines as one of Hollywood’s greatest tragedies. Perhaps that is due in part to the strong desire we have to bury our own problems in the deepest corners of our minds and focus on the pain of others, as told through the tabloids. The real tragedy is that she never had the opportunity to tell her story, but rather she was forced to defend it and portray herself as the media saw fit. Regardless, it was the revival of this character in film and song that I credit my own revival.

I was a sophomore in college the first time I heard the name, Frances Farmer. My public speaking class had been assigned to research and present on the informative topic of our choosing, and I opted to read my speech titled: “Mental Health in American Society.” I spent weeks researching the long-standing crisis, dedicating much of my time to learning about the cruel and inhumane treatments of patients during the early to mid-1900s. It was while working on this project that I became fascinated by her story and though a college assignment had provided her entrance into my life, it was a nervous breakdown during my twenties that truly introduced the two of us.

Known for my adoration of all things Jessica Lange, I discovered one of her greatest films, Frances, during an evening of wine and sadness. While the picture took a creative and exaggerated approach, Lange’s portrayal of Frances ultimately stripped the character down and made her appear as something the media rarely allowed her to be, and that was human. Looking past the outbursts, the anger, and the arrests, I saw a rebellious woman whose only true crime was her extraordinary and tireless search for peace. As I read her book later on, I only felt deeper toward that same belief.

Born in 1913, the Seattle native never had a chance to simply be. With dreams of becoming a writer, the 17 year published an essay titled “God Dies,” that ultimately won first prize in a contest sponsored by The Scholastic, a magazine for high school students. Rather than showing support for the young writer who had just won a national contest, the town responded by calling out the nature of her composition, strictly acting on illiberal fear. She described this as a defining moment in her life where for the first time she “found out how stupid people could be.” The essay detailed how she felt toward God, trying to justify him as a father figure of sorts and raised the question how, if he were just, then why would he help her find a favorite hat she had lost yet allow one of her classmates to lose both parents. How was this fair? She never outright denied God, but rather wanted answers to validate her experiences.

Years later while attending college, Frances won another contest that required selling subscriptions to a leftist newspaper. The town was yet again roused by her decision to accept the prize of a trip to communist Russia, yet her true purpose for traveling was to see the Moscow Art Theater and return to New York. Here she would rent a room with money from her refunded bus ticket to Seattle and immerse herself in the world of theater, which she considered to be true artistry. She soon attracted the attention of a Paramount talent scout, and within the next year she had been cast in two major films: Rhythm on the Range and Come and Get It. It was 1936 and Frances had just turned 23 years old.

Although success was instant, she treated staring in pictures as just another step toward her true desire to perform in the theater. Fighting for a dream is enough to shake anyone, but Frances was also fighting the studio and her mother - physically, mentally, and emotionally. She resented the life that the studio attempted to create for her; the glamorous lifestyle, the parties and premieres, and the constant casting of her in lackluster roles in B movies. Meanwhile in Seattle, her mother was ever-present in keeping up appearances and letting the town know that her daughter was now an alluring movie star.

In 1942, the life Frances was contracted to live collided with the one that she had been living. Alcohol was becoming a friend of the actress, and provided her the comfort of feeling numb. The decade was spent in and out of mental asylums where she was subjected to the many inhumane, torturous treatments used during that era of mental health rehabilitation, something I had learned in my college research years prior. She eventually regained legal control of her life and moved to Indiana where she wrote poetry and hosted her own television show. She passed away in 1970 at the age of 56.

While most desire to know the worst of her story, I feel that the 1940s did not define Frances as much as it defined the cruelty of those around her. As I familiarized myself with her narrative, I realized that did not see Frances as a patient, but as a broken human. She was strong-willed, outspoken, and a fighter during a time where women were expected to sit down and be quiet. Intuitive and fearless, she was stripped of everything she had known and made to believe she was insane, yet I think the true insanity lies within the minds of those who tried to tame her honest rebellion.

I found comfort in the spirit of Frances during the worst time in my life, when I began hiding myself away in the comfort of the four walls that surrounded me. At 18, I was awarded a scholarship to attend school for music; uninterested in academics, I used the opportunity to move to the city I had long desired to reside in. Six years later, I had moved away to find some peace, and to simply be alone. I was living in a top floor apartment overlooking the beautiful Old Hickory lake, yet I kept the blinds closed. The darkness was comforting, as was my new dependence on the bottle. Alcohol had only been an acquaintance up until this point, but had become a dear companion in recent months. During the first 24 years of my life, I had gone through severe bouts of depression, but I knew this time that it was more severe. It felt as if I were standing along the edge of a blade, ready to slip and fall at any moment, to break and to bleed from the lack of balance. And it was balance that I lacked as I overlooked the depth that served as my descent into madness.

I can pinpoint the moment that I felt my world begin to shake: Father’s Day 2017. Throughout my childhood, I regarded the day as a passing thought as I never really found a close bond with my father other than a 60 second phone call every three years. I had not seen him in over two years, but a strong urge took me to visit on this day. He died that night, and he took with him my hope to reconnect with him as well as my three younger sisters. Upon returning to Nashville after the service, I began drinking and it seemed as if I were losing every part of who I had been. What remained was being torn away, piece by piece. I had been refused a job due to my looks, being deemed “unfuckable” by the CEO. My next opportunity was short lived, as the company soon folded and provided a ten minute notice. I returned to retail to make ends meet for the time being. I became infatuated with a man who promised me the world, but instead stole the innocence I held close. After that night, the notion that I had control of anything had diminished to nothing. My depression and anxiety were now running my life, instead of moving within it. I lost my retail job because of my inability to turn it off, and I repeated the process with my next position. The bottle of vodka on the shelf followed me to work, and I began drinking on the job. I could no longer force a smile, and I found myself picking fights with my co-workers and customers just to feel something. I wanted to be angry or sad; I would settle to be anything but numb. It was after the new year that my boss let me go - and I let go of myself.

The loss of my job had been my breaking point. I had nothing left except for my sanity, which was escaping my grasp. Slowly, then quickly. I had pushed away everyone I had ever known, which left me completely alone with the exception of the liquor - I received my first DUI that same week. The culmination of everything was too much to live within the walls of my mind, much less share with my mother, who only offered me the chance to come home. She always heard my words, yet never truly listened to anything that I said. How could I return to the place that tossed me out, that was my first understanding at how cold the world could be? It was in my weakness that I finally relented and spent days on her sofa, realizing that the home I had come home to was no longer my home. I had nowhere to go and nothing left to lose; I broke.

It was during this time that I first saw Frances and I, for lack of better words, fell in love with her. Every emotion I felt in the deepest part of my soul, I watched as she was portrayed by Jessica Lange in the same essence. She was this deeply driven, independent, one way kind of woman who never chose to pick her battles. She fought for what she thought was best, even if it came down to tearing her apart. She knew what she wanted, and she knew that trying to live those dreams would eventually destroy her in the end. Frances had a lot of demons, something I was learning about for myself. I knew what it felt like to be taunted by your entire town, and what it felt like to chase after a dream in the big city. I knew what it meant to live with a rebellious spirit and still be told how to live. I knew what it meant to have those demons control the deepest part of your soul. And to be someone I had never known, much less lived within the same time as, I felt this parallel between our lives.

Truthfully, we are all just actors in this masquerade; I played the part just as she had. I fought for so long to be more than I was, and when I dropped my mask for the whole world to see, no one was more surprised than me.  I believe the world tends to find those who have no boundaries and rein them in, to break them. It is a dangerous place for a woman with determination and a dream; times have not changed from her time to mine. We are all vulnerable, and they often wait until the first thread breaks before they assist in our unraveling. This is how I see the life of Frances Farmer; this is also how I see my own. However, I was given something that she was never granted: a chance.

For the rest of her life, Frances was forced to relive the worst moments of her life for the world to see, most infamously on This is Your Life. An opportunity to defend herself turned into a reminiscing of her greatest tragedies. I truly don’t believe that she ever found peace befitting her efforts to regain control, and sadly that’s where her story ends. But not mine…not yet. Looking back at my own collapse, I realize some will say that I suffered a nervous breakdown, and I would not be apt to disagree. Others would say nothing more than how I must have had a real bad day - I guess they’re right, too. How do you take such a time and give it a single answer that makes sense? The truth is somewhere within it all. The only thing I do know for a fact is that, regardless of our stories, each life matters in the end. As Frances famously asked, and it is with sincerity that I can answer, “yes, I have had a broken heart.”

[houseofvans]

ART SCHOOL | Q&A WITH DAVID CHUNG (THE CHUNG)

Artist David Chung’s paintings, drawings and sketches are filled with colorful anthropomorphic characters from sword wielding pandas to rainbow spilling landscapes where skeletal heroes battle fuzzy cute creatures. Drawing from his own experiences and psyche, David’s uses his adorable and hilarious creations to help deal with the everyday stresses of life and as a form of catharsis. We’re excited to feature the work of David and talk about his art, his work as an Art Director at Dreamworks TV, and what new projects he’s got in the works! 

Find out more about David Chung by taking the leap below! 

Photography courtesy of the artist. 

Introduce yourself?   My name is David Chung, but a lot of people might know me as The Chung!! I’ve been living in Los Angeles for the past 11 years now, which technically makes California the longest place I’ve ever lived in my entire life. During the day I work in animation, currently as of this interview, I’m an art director at Dreamworks TV, but at night, I’m my own artist, free to do whatever I want!

How did you get into painting and art as a kid? What kinds of things were you influenced by? I’m not really sure how I got into art as a kid. I’ve been drawing for as long as I can remember. Much like all kids, I’ve always just enjoyed drawing and making art. I realized early on that I could be as weird as I wanted to be in my drawings, and that was a really liberating feeling. Earlier in my childhood I was raised in Hong Kong and Taiwan but my highschool years were spent in Upstate New York, where I graduated from. I pulled a lot of my influences from growing up in Asia and having a Chinese background, but the subjects and humor mostly came from living in the States.

How do you describe your work to folks who’ve never seen it before? I might describe it like watching an animated kids’ movie with a lot of jokes your pervy parents would appreciate.

You have various creatures and characters throughout your work that we love. Storytelling and humor are elements in your works as well. Can you tell us a little about how each piece evolves? What is your general artistic process like? I’ve been finding myself creating new characters based off of new ways I need to deal with my life at the moment. The characters that are in my work are compartmentalized parts of my psyche or emotions. Being able to take the everyday stresses of life and make cute characters go through it in a more harsh and humorous way is a really effective form of catharsis for me. About 90% of the subjects in my work are autobiographical. The humor in my work is just another way for me to prevent myself from ever taking myself too seriously. If I can’t laugh at my own work, then what’s the point.  

Do you have a main protagonist in your work? And who or what is it? How did it come about? It really depends on what I’m going through at the time of my life when I paint my characters. For example, my XiongMao (Panda) character was created during some pretty rough times. He represents my persistent side to survive. Grimothy (the little reaper dude) and Xiaguai (his little chinese demon friend) are my two mischievous daydreamer characters that are all about ditching their responsibilities to have fun adventures. Pouty Pig is the side of me that throws silent tantrums anytime he is unhappy about a certain situation, which apparently is a lot. These are just some of the few recurring characters in my work depending on how I’m feeling. I even have a few recurring antagonists such as the Happy who are pink soulless zombie-like creatures who roam the earth seemingly always happy, but they feed off of people’s energy like vampires. If you ever let them get a whiff that you’re not happy, that’s when they attack. I think we all know people like this. Right?? They’re the worst. I hate them.

What was your last adventure that showed up in one of your work, thematically or just visually? I do these sketches in my Instagram feed called “Procrast-O-Sketches” that usually follow my most current adventures. The overall sketches can be interpreted however you like, but for myself, friends and family in my inner circle, the subject matter is pretty esoteric. 

A pretty straight forward Procrast-O-Sketch is from Sept 21, 2018. We just moved into our new house in the beginning of September, and about 2 weeks after moving in, my 2 year old kept crying that there is a monster living in the house. He keeps saying it’s a shadow man that “kind of looks like Daddy” but sometimes it turns into a dog-like creature. He’ll be playing and being super happy, then all of a sudden he’ll see his shadow man, then will let out a terrified scream, scramble over to myself or his mom and cry that “The man is back!!” We’ve been trying to turn it into a game now by going monster hunting together, which seems to be helping. At least helping him... I’m terrified as shit now.

What is your favorite thing to draw or paint? I love drawing or painting creatures and characters in familiar situations that are way worse than my own.

What are your favorite tools?  Currently, I always have my little Pentalic Traveler Pocket Journal, a kneaded eraser and a good clutch pencil with me just in case I need a quick therapy sketch session to take out any frustrations. I feel like brands and mediums change all the time, but a good ol’ fashioned pencil and a sketchbook are always constant.

What’s a medium you have yet to try and would love to take a stab at? Oh man, there are way too many mediums I’d love to try one day. I would really like to try oils again. I haven’t messed around with oils since I was in college. I also really want to try out ceramics and bronze casting.

Not only do you draw and paint, you also work as an art director and designer at DreamWorks by day? What’s that like and how did you find yourself working for such a cool company? Dreamworks is a pretty awesome company to work for, and I’m not just being paid to say that. They’ve made me sign a contract to say that. But you know, overall it’s pretty awesome because of the people. I love being able to collaborate and riff off of other artists every day. All of whom are working toward the same goal of making the best looking product possible. I’ve been working in the animation industry for about 10+ years now, and over the past decade, I’ve met some really great people who I know I’d work with again and again like I have in the past. So when a lot of those people who felt the same about me ended up at Dreamworks, I was brought on over, and I’m super grateful for it.

How do you balance your work life with your artistic life? Or are they sort of one in the same? It’s actually pretty easy and difficult all at the same time. I deliberately try to separate my work-life from my art-life because what I do after work, is mine and mine alone. This keeps me from taking anything too personally when there are ridiculous amounts of notes and revisions to be made at work. Nothing is personal, and I’m totally okay with that. My job is to provide them with the work that they want. It’s a lot easier to make revisions when I know that as soon as I go home, I can start working on my own personal stuff that nobody can say shit about. 

The hard part is finding the time to have an art-life after work-life. It usually  means eliminating good health. Fortunately passion usually wins out over sleep, but unfortunately, “usually” isn’t always. Typical days at work can last 10-14 hours, and when I get home, I still want to be able to hang out with my wife and kid, which means I won’t even be able to get started on my own stuff til around 12-1am. Especially lately, due to the monster keeping my son up all through the night.

What are you constantly inspired by? And who are some of your early and current art influences? I’m constantly inspired by life and all of the little idiosyncratic behaviors we have. Human life is so interesting even at its most mundane moments. There’s always inspiration to be pulled from who we are. When I was in the second grade, I saw Alien for the first time in my life on TV. It fucked me up. I needed to know what this monster was. Then I found out about H.R. Giger when I got a little bit older. It wasn’t necessarily the style that inspired me, but the way the he created. It seemed like an obsession that he turned into a profession. I didn’t even know being an artist for a living was allowed! Lately I’ve been super digging Travis Millard (IG: @theotherfudge), Alex Solis (IG: @Alexmdc) and I was recently introduced to Kamila Mlynarczyk’s (IG: @Woodedwoods) work which is pure insanity and I love it so much.

What do you do when you are not painting or drawing? Lately it’s trying to spend as much time as I can with my family and soak as much of it up as I can before it slips away. While doing that I’ve been messing around with photography and filmmaking as a hobby. Filming my son doing weird shit is super fun. He makes a great subject.

What advice would you offer to an aspiring artist who might wanna follow in your footsteps? You gotta want to do it. And not just because you think it’s a good way to make money. You have to want to do it because you love it. That’s really where it all begins. Next step is to just go fucking do it.

What’s your best Art School tip that you want to share with folks? Could be technical or just advice. This is a continuation of my previous response, but it’s important, after you “just go fucking do it” expect to fail. Don’t even just expect it, LET yourself fail. As long as you learn something from it and never stop trying, you’re totally allowed to fail all the time!

What do you think you’d be doing if you weren’t an artist or doing anything art-related? This one is difficult, everything I can think of that I’d possibly be doing is art related. I’ve always wanted to be a fiction writer or a filmmaker, but those can be very creative. The other thing is to start my own business producing products for creative enthusiasts.

What are your favorite style of VANS? Every time I end up buying a new pair of VANS, I always end up getting the Authentic style. You can never go wrong with them!

What’s coming up for you the rest of the year that you’re super excited about? I’m super excited about two new toys that are currently in production with Martian Toys and Wetworks. Also there’s a bunch of new stuff I’m trying to launch on my own that I’ve been pretty excited to work on, I just need to find the time!

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